Thursday, December 30, 2010

Slow-driving Prius

On my drive home tonight I wondered aloud if the day will ever come when I have the pleasure of being on the road with a Toyota Prius that is not moving at least 15mph below the speed limit.  I mean, I usually enjoy being right quite a bit but the accuracy of my slow-driving Prius theory is beginning to startle me.  I have NEVER been on the road with a Prius driver who kept pace.  Oddly enough, the only time I have witnessed a fast-moving Prius was when I was in it.  No, I wasn't the one driving (although that would have made a lot of sense).  A friend of a friend took me on a roller-coaster ride in her Prius in LA this summer.  I was in fear of my life a  few times but it was exciting.  She's the only person I've ever seen driving a Prius like a real-life car and not a pretend one.

That's all I'm gonna say tonight.  So much is going on that I can't even discuss things of importance with any coherence right now so I'm doing you a favor.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Let's get this blog poppin'!

I have been trying to faithfully commit myself to making this a real blog for a couple of years now.  And by "real blog" I mean one that i update more frequently than twice a year.  Seriously.  One wouldn't think it would be so hard for someone who has as much to say as I do but, alas, I've got demons.

Anyhoo, I have been slowly getting into blogging more regularly but didn't want to "promote" my blog in any way until I felt secure that people would have something to read when they actually got here.  I guess the pressure of actually having readers has been too much for me these past two years, ha ha!  Even still, there were some great people who were following the blog in the beginning but I failed you all by being a punk-ass and not updating much.  I would really appreciate it if you lovely people (you know who you are) would come back and make this a little community.  Either way, I am now moving to a place where I feel comfortable challenging myself to actually do this and I would love your support!

Oh, what's that you ask? How can you support me?  I'm glad you asked! 

Here are some ways, with bullet-points for emphasis:
  • Follow me, now! (in a deep dancehall reggae voice) 
Yeah, it's normally not cool to say you're following someone.  I know that's the twitter lingo but, to be completely honest, I still don't quite know how to use twitter and the idea of asking people to follow me seems odd.  Either way, this blog right here, it's worth following. And I know you don't just follow anyone or anything but if you deem me worthy of cyber-stalking just click the "follow" button on the upper right portion of the page and you are now officially a part of the Black Girls community.  Of course, you know that being black and/or a girl is not a prerequisite for membership.
  • When you read a post, please leave a comment.   
I love feedback.  I need feedback.  Even if you don't have feedback or your feedback is not constructive (ahem, Anony-mouse), leave a comment so I know that you're reading.  If something I said pissed you off or you think my posts are too damn wordy (I know, right?!), leave me a comment about it.  It doesn't take long and really helps create a dialogue.  Plus, it gives me a sense of how my "audience" is feeling.  
  • If you like a post, share it with your friends
Under each post, there are a bunch of buttons that allow you to quickly share with others.  Please feel free to click on one or all of them(!) and add a little witty commentary of your own before you pass it on.  Of course, if you finish reading a post wishing you could get back the minutes of your life that you just spent doing so, please do not share.  In that case, please click the corresponding "reaction" button (also at the bottom of each post) to anonymously let me know how you feel.  Or you could post it on your facebook wall with a comment like, "Look at this wack-ass blogpost!  I would sooner jook out both my eyeballs than read it again!"  Actually, that would probably attract more readers.  That works for me too.  My feelings won't get hurt, I promise.

OK.  That's it for now.  Any more "support" and I'm going to have to start paying y'all!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Flashback: December 4th, 2007

This is the second installment of my "Flashback" series.  Since the first one was like, two years ago (lol), please refer to this post so you know what the hell this is about.

So this flashback is apparently brought to you by the mysterious workings of our universe. As I went through my planworld archives (looking for December 4th, 5th or 6th), I happened upon this one from 2007 that is freakishly similar to my present reality. On Saturday night, I went to First Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum where DJ Laylo was killing it at the dance party. I had a great time. Laylo is an awesome selector and quite easy on the eyes too!

Here's a picture of Laylo, Atiyya and me from this summer.   
Photo by Rey Rodriguez
Much love to both of you ladies.

Also, this week, Joanne (referred to lovingly as Jjoo) and I went to Macy's to "look around." Turns out, 3 years ago I was doing the exact same thing. Weird.

Anyhoo, without further ado, I bring you December 4th 2007!

Date posted: 12-4-07, 10:04 am

So Jjoo04 and I went to Macy's last week and got this watch for the

Nice and simple like I wanted and I stayed in my budget!  I'm very happy
with our work!  Can't wait to give it to him.

On Saturday night, we went to the Brooklyn Museum for the First Saturdays
event that they have every month.  My friend, DJ Laylo was playing the dance
party from 9-11 and although it was hard getting out into the cold, boy am I
glad I went.  We walked into the hall where they were having the party and
there were almost a thousand people dancing (hard!) to the dancehall reggae
Laylo was playing.  It was so exciting to see that many eclectic, beautiful
people of all races and ages getting down in a MUSEUM!  The boopiece kept
exclaiming that he had never seen anything like this in his life.  I
couldn't help but be a little proud as I exclaimed, "This is New York!"  I
love this city sometimes..even as I hate it.

I also saw this woman that I went to school with.  She was dancing with her
husband of 4 months! and we bumped into each other.  She was looking happy. 
You always see at least three people you know at any social event in the

This is a long ass one and I'm up for the challenge!

90. First off, what is your name?

89. Are you in a relationship?
Surprisingly, yes

88. Do you have a best friend that you can talk to 24/7?
yes!  More than one.  I feel blessed.

87. Do you have any siblings?
2 brothers on my mothers side and a brother and a sister on my father's

86. How many years apart are your mom and dad?
2 (They were born on the same date, two years apart)

85. Do you like someone?
Sure.  That's a pretty vague one.

84. What does the 7th message in your text inbox say?
"Haha" not an exciting one, lol.  it's a good thing though.  Some of the
other ones might have been TMI.  BTW, that was 7th from the bottom.  So the
7th recent message.  Oh goodness, nobody cares.

83. Who sits beside you at work?
Ha ha!  I don't have a job!

82. Where is your dad right now?
Ha ha!  I have absolutely no idea.  I don't even know where he lives right
now.  I think The Bronx.

81. Where is your mom right now?
She better be at home getting her rest for her newly gained stressful yet
exciting supervisory role at work!

80. Do you have any problems in your life?
of course!  Who doesn't?

79. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from?
my boopiece

78. Closest purple object?
a plastic pencil case my students gave me when I started teaching first

77. Closest silver object?
this watch that doesn't work

76. Who was the last person you spoke out loud to?
Michelle, who called to tell me that she thought she won some sweepstakes
but she didn't.  It was random.

75. Do you sing in the shower?

74. What is bugging you right now?
The newly formed but SEVERE acne on my forehead that I haven't been able to
get rid of for months.  Got any suggestions?

73. How does your hair look right now?
I just washed and treated it so now it's twisted into what we Jamaicans like
to call "Chiney bumps"  Yeah, I'm sure that's probably politically

72. Do you know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner?

71. When is the last time you said the pledge of allegiance?
I have no idea

70. If you could kill someone, who would it be?
Well there are people that I know personally that I strongly dislike but
would NEVER kill.  Some public figures?  Maybe.  Like people who send other
people's children to wars without hesitation or people who enslave other
people (I'd time travel to do what I have to do).  Yeah.  I'd kill them

69. Do you have any fears?
yeah, I have enough

68. What 's in your heart right now?
is this supposed to be deep?  Cause physically, there's some blood and a
hole too (heart murmur).  As for emotions and shit, apparently, I wear my
heart on my sleeve so you should already know.

67. Do you like kangaroos?
I couldn't tell ya.  They seem pretty chill.

66. Can you roll your tongue?
I don't think so

65. What are you wearing?
ha ha, underwear.  Sorry guys.  I love living alone.

62. Screamo or Country?
I don't understand the question

59. Flying or Driving?
I actually don't mind long drives.  So it depends on what's cheaper and how
quickly I need to get there.

58. Do you have to pee right now?
no, which is surprising cause I always do

57. Was your Valentine's day nice?
I don't remember.  ooooooooh, wait.  I remember now.  It was NOT great.  Oh
wait, that was the one before last.  I honestly don't remember this past
Valentines.  I believe I was alone and quite content about it.

56. What are you doing now?
eating a PB&J, kinda watching tv, checking email, getting dressed, doing my
hair.  I'm always doing at least 5 things at once.

54. Would you die for someone?

53. Would you date anyone from your work?
HA!  I don't have a job.  he he he

52. Do long distance relationships work?
I sure hope so because I've always been of the opinion that they don't but,
right now, I kinda need that to not be true

51. Lose a toe or cut out your own tongue?
You know, toes are quite important for balance and walking and shit. 
Nevertheless, I need my tongue more.  My planworld friends, if you haven't
already figured it out, I talk A LOT.

50. Colored lights? Or clear lights?
I really can't say I care unless these lights are going to be in my

49. When did you last talk to one of your siblings?
I talked to my older brother earlier today.

48. What are you doing tomorrow?
finally leaving the house!  it's gonna be an event.  dentist appointment,
picking up clothes from the tailor and shoes from the cobbler, going to my
building's management office, laundry, Macys for that watch,  going to my
friend's sample sale with JJoo04, picking up my boo from the airport and
trying to convince him to go to this Stone Love party.  I actually had to
look at my Treo for all that.

47. Do you worry about getting older?
Actually, I really am quite terrified that I'm going to wake up one day and
be 30 (no offense to those of you who're already there) and still be in the
same place I am now.

46. Who are you talking to on IM?
I don't go on AIM anymore

45. Do you pick your scabs?
no, that was a disgusting but enthralling practice that ended with my

44. Would you ever pierce your tongue?
Absolutely not

43. What song is playing?
As a matter of fact, I ALWAYS have music playing but right now, I'm
listening to Michelle Obama meet and greet people in Iowa on C-SPAN.

42. Do you bite your nails?

41. Do you eat meat?
I'm a freaking carnivore but my heart isn't into being one.  Meat.  I just
can't quit it.

40. Do you or have you ever had AOL?

39. Do you check for celebrity gossip?
I don't know what that is and I don't really look online for celebrity
gossip.  Right now, I do a pretty good job of limiting myself to 2-4
tabloids when I'm traveling by plane somewhere.  It's like my little treat
to myself.

38. Do you have a jar where you keep your loose change?
Yes.  I call it my life savings.  Seriously, it's my savings account right

37. Do you own a pogo stick?
Unfortunately not

36. Do you like tuna fish?
I'll eat it but I wouldn't say I like it.

35. Do you own ripped jeans?
Not on purpose.  I've had a few that have ripped, lol

34. Are you drinking anything right now?

33. What would you do if you found out that you were adopted?
I'd feel very lost.  As a matter of fact, I'd be in disbelief

32. Are you a jealous person?
Not for the most part.

31. Do you use a calendar or day planner to schedule everything?
I don't know what I would do without the damn Treo.  I practically schedule
my bowel movements with that thing.

30. Are you OCD?
Ohmigosh yes!

29. Do you have ADD?
Yes.  And it's not self-diagnosed (ahem, rest of the freaking world that
thinks it's cute to be like "OH MY GOD, I SO have ADD!").  Did you know that
OCD and ADD go hand in hand?  The doctor told me that when I was diagnosed. 
Anyhoo, I don't take medicine.  

28. Do you have low self esteem?
It depends on the issue.  I'm pretty happy with certain parts of myself and
quite insecure about others.  Seems pretty normal.

27. Who can make you laugh during the hardest time?
my boopiece, my closest friends, my crazy ass family.  Pretty much anyone
that I keep around.

26. What was the last thing you watched on TV?
I don't really watch whole programs anymore but the last thing I remember
focusing on was a really good episode of Family Guy on tonight.  I actually
laughed out loud at a scene involving a reenactment of the Middle Passage. 
I have to respect a show that can make ME do that.

Where's 25 and 24?

23. Favorite movie(s)?
Oh I'm not good with choosing favorites (see that morbid question about the
song at my funeral).  Although, thinking about it again, it might very well
be a Stevie Wonder song.

22. Who do you love?
More people than I should.  I'm a love-slut.

21. What is playing in your mind movie right now?
Ummm, I don't really know.  I didn't know I had a "mind movie".

19. What's your favorite drink?
sex on the beach.  I'm ashamed to admit.  It's so girly.

18. Do you own any big sunglasses?

17. Bed sheet color?
Flannel light blue and green plaid.  I'm about to change those babies.

15. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
actually, ha ha, my first "boyfriend" (I use that word loosely) rapped for
me to get me to give him my number.  Oh shut up, I was 16!

14. Have you ever bungee jumped?

12. What's the first thing you notice about other people?
Their facial expressions.  How they smile.  Do they smile?  How do they look
at people?  With disgust?  Scrutiny?  Kindness?  You get the picture.

11. Is it hard to express your feelings to someone?
As long as it doesn't involved me being vulnerable, I'm very good at
expressing my feelings.

9. What song do you want played at your funeral?
What?!  That's kind of morbid.  Plus I love too many songs to choose one

8. Are you happy?
yes, even though many would say that my lifestyle of late might not scream
"I'm happy!"

5. Watched all Spiderman movies?
I never had any desire to see them so I didn't...until I was coerced into
seeing the third (and I hope the worst) of them in the theatre.  Ohmigosh so
terrible I laughed hysterically (much to the chagrin of the little boy
beside who kept shooting me disapproving looks, ha!).  It was really a
terrible movie.

4. What are you looking forward to?
Tomorrow (actually today) evening, when my boopiece arrives in town!

3. Favorite Lucky Charms Marshmallow?
I don't eat that cereal enough to answer this.

2 Have you ever ridden in a limo?

1. Do you want to get married.
Actually yes.  At some point, it was "not really"

Note: I totally answered these questions out of order.  I jumped around so
some things don't make sense.  What can I say.  I SOOOOOOOO have ADD guys!

I need some help planworld.  I want to buy a nice watch for a man for his
birthday.  The tricky thing is that a)I'm unemployed and money is a little
tight and b)I can't buy him anything too expensive anyway because it would
be awkward and uncomfortable.  At the same time, I take pride in giving
quality gifts.  I really want to get him something nice.  I'm lost!  Jason
says I should get him a Bulova but that's a little bit over my price range. 
I'd really like to get something between $50 and $100 dollars.  I know that
might sound modest but it's where I'm at right now.  Any suggestions?

I know many of you are reluctant to watch youtube videos on people's plans. 
I usually am as well.  But this one.  This one is only 47 seconds of pure
happiness.  I highly recommend watching this clip.  I can't imagine a person
that wouldn't smile watching this....But then again, some people on
planworld are real assholes.

Damn, that was a long-ass questionnaire but hopefully it shed some light on my enigmatic personality (italics indicate sarcasm here ).

As usual, this flashback makes me reflect on where my life is now. At this time 3 years ago, I was falling deeply in love with a man I would continue to love for the next 3 years. Now, I am on the other side of that mountain; at the end of a relationship. When I wrote this plan, our relationship was moving on up and now, for the most part, it's moving down. Even still, as I read my words about him and remember the excitement of that time, three years later, I still love him just the same. Although we're not in a relationship, I still love him like I did in the beginning, maybe even more. Hmmmmm.

AND, Laylo's set at the Brooklyn Museum was just as hot as it was 3 years ago with the same great energy and crowd as the first time. And, Joanne is still my roll dog. All these comparisons are things I am happy about. even though I'm not with the man I love anymore, I'm happy that there still is love between us. I'm happy that I still have friends who are in my life and I'm still able to go out and enjoy great events like First Saturdays. AND, I have a job now.  Praise the Lord!

In the end, it looks like the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hell Week

Being the psycho-witch that I am, I caused my car to break-down. Shortly after posting a tirade about being ignored and belittled by mechanics, I witnessed my car completely breaking down last night. The highlight was when the speedometer read 0 while I was driving on the West Side highway. A close runner-up was when I saw the electric diagnosis thingy (and I wonder why I gets no respect from mechanics, right?) read "Transmission: Complete system failure" with my own eyes. It has been confirmed to me by a very nice young mechanic (who completely acknowledged the lack of respect women get at the car shop on his own) that my transmission is totally fucked up. Damn, I wish I could sue those mechanics and use the money to buy a new car.

Honestly, this week was the worst week in at least 6 months. It's odd because the lows have been really low but the highs have been extremely high. In this week alone, at least three positive changes I have been anticipating for a VERY long time have come to fruition. I signed the lease on my new luxury apartment, I might be getting a transfer at work(fingers crossed) and I had an extremely positive experience at a new OB/GYN. You may laugh but if you have a vagine, you know how hard it is to find a good gyno. Just watch that King of Queens episode where Carrie does crazy things to keep her OB/GYN. Anyhoo, that's not even mentioning the host of other great things that happened this week including but not limited to waking up every morning, having good food to eat and having good friends and family to support me in hell weeks like these. In addition, I have met some fabulous human beings as well as some terrible ones.

I guess this week is a microcosm of life as a whole. It came at me really fast and really hard. Every minute of every day has been overwhelming, both at work and at home. I've felt extreme joy, sadness and have been pulled in about 500 directions at the same time.

All in all, what made this week so bad was that I failed at creating balance. I failed to remember that I have the power to decide how I feel. Instead of getting through the week, I let it beat the shit out of me. I turned what might have been a challenging week with lots of surprises and changes into a week where I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride from hell, just holding my head down and waiting for it to end. Funny enough, that's actually how I always rode roller-coasters when I was younger. I used to hide so much that when we looked at the pictures afterward, you couldn't see me because I was crouched under the seat. But, it made no sense because I love rollercoasters. I love the excitment, the fear, the joy, the crowd. I love the view from the top (even though I'm fearful of heights). It never made sense that I waited forever on a long ass line to spend the whole 30-seconds hiding behind the seat. As corny as this may sound, I don't want to live my life crouched behind a seat. By the time I look up, I'll have missed out on all those things that make life worth living.

And, I did have some serene moments where I felt like everything would be OK. Many of them were closely followed by shitstorms but I had some calm moments. What's good is that I definitely felt like I created some of those moments myself. When I was aware enough to realize that I was on the verge of a mini-breakdown I took control of my mind and body. I slowed down my gait I deepened my breathing and I cleared my mind. I felt so empowered because it reminded me that, although I can't control what happens to me I am ultimately in control of how I respond to those things. I have to utilize that control to keep my piece of mind.

So I suppose at the end of a trying (to put it nicely) week, I will take these lessons in preparation of the next time, because there's always a next time.