I knew there was a reason I didn't want to go to work today (besides the usual). As soon as I walk out my building, some prick cabbie speeds directly into a puddle, spewing dirty street water all over my freshly washed body and clothes. As I stand there in horror, another cabbie pretends to be my knight in shining armor and coaxes me to get in only to cuss me and kick me out a block later because I wouldn't pay the exorbitant rate he quoted me. I walk the rest of the way to work and consider running the last block or so since I'm borderline late but then decide against it when I see a man staring me down, poised and ready to study the jiggle of my ass when I run by him. I settle for walking briskly and I arrive to work one minute late, pissed off with dirty, wet water on my nether-regions. My job penalizes me for arriving to work even a minute late so this is particularly vexing to me. I never say this, but FUCK MY LIFE. I knew I shoulda slept through this shitty day.
Side note: I thought FML stood for "Family Medical Leave" but then I figured it out. I didn't even have to ask my teenage brother to translate.