Tuesday, April 15, 2008

What the hell is wrong with Mariah Carey? (in reference to her April 14th appearance on Oprah)


No, Seriously. What happened to her?

Watching her try to act human is like witnessing the scene at a party where the person who has had too much to drink is trying to convince everybody that she's okay to drive. It's just sad. Except, in this case, everybody seems to be believing her crazy ass.

It's really like a train wreck. First of all, let's address that crazy look that she always has on her face. That maniacal smile, like she's on serious uppers. I'm not knocking the drugs but that face makes me uncomfortable.




Yes, Mariah. That face.

Also, the singing. Has anyone noticed that she barely sings full out anymore and when she does it looks and sometimes sounds painful? I feel like she never fully recovered from that breakdown. What is the thing she does with her hands when she sings? It's as if she's trying to summon her voice from her body.





I think what makes me most uncomfortable (because that is the common denominator in all this: how uncomfortable she makes me) are her "mammy-isms". This is what I find most absurd about her. She comes off to me as the white girl who always hung out with black women but never quite fit in. You know that girl. She always liked black music and occasionally tried to inject some ebonics into her daily banter (much to the dismay of the black people around her). Yeah, she was cool enough but her mammy-isms would probably get out of hand every once in a while and you'd have to tell her to tone it down. Overall, you kept her around because she was pretty harmless and it's nice to have someone who idolizes the culture that just comes naturally to you.

Mariah Carey is that girl. Only, now that she's rich, she can buy black women to hang out with. Yes, I said "buy" because they don't seem like her real friends. Has anyone else noticed that she's been surrounded by fat black women since she got into the business? Look at all her early music videos, there's always some fat black women in them. I know she claims to be half black and that is odd to me because I was under the impression that her father is Venezuelan (or from somewhere about those parts) and last I heard, those people were not claiming Africa. Feel free to correct me.

Either way, it doesn't matter to me what you claim as long as you come off as sincere. Bottom line is: her mammy-isms make me waay uncomfortable and they are definitely NOT sincere. What put the icing on the cake was when she performed "Bye Bye" on Oprah. Honestly, talking about it just would take away from the larger effect. Let's just roll the tape.


Okay okay! I have to say something. "This is for my peoples who lost they grandmovas." What?! Not even Ms Mary J. Blige would be caught dead singing that line. It's just silly. There's no way that Mariah Carey actually talks like that and so she just sounds silly. Those crazy ass hand movements don't help. I think Mariah believes that she has a little Della Reese trapped underneath those balloons on her chest.