Saturday, January 28, 2012

I love women!

I have a lot of love for women. No, not the romantic kind--although I often think that it would be much more logical than this whole dating men thing. I just have so much love for women. I want to put it out there because it is not popular to have so much love for women in this day. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that women hate women more than men do. During lunch today, my co-workers and I were discussing an article in the newspaper about a schoolteacher who had been having sexual affairs with his 14 year old students. Although everyone expressed the obligatory dismay at this man's actions, the conversation immediately centered on the "fast-ass girls" that he'd been sexing. My co-workers, man and woman alike, expressed such anger and disgust at these girls' whom I regarded as victims. They basically said that "these girls out here are nasty and loose" and "they were probably throwing themselves at the teacher."

Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.

Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?

I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude.  There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women.  I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment.  I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.

I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.

Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors

The following is a note I just posted on Facebook. It's a little incendiary but so much more tame than it could have been so please give me a break.

Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors

After watching the State of the Union Address tonight, I remembered why I have stayed away from political discussion since 2008. It is too stressful to hear the idiotic shit that everyday people say in an attempt to criticize Barack Obama. So I will rant a bit and then promptly stay out of political discussion again lest I give myself a heart attack:

My advice to black Americans and fair weather liberals concerning Obama (I don't care if you asked for it or not): if you have nothing positive to say, shut the fuck up--just like you did when all these other dudes were fucking up the country before.

It's a simple lesson in common sense and solidarity that some of y'all never learned. The president is a figurehead, not a dictator. In a democracy (that's what they call this right here) we have a system where the president is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of enacting significant change on his own. The system was designed that way! As a matter of fact, it is the people, not the president, who are supposed to incite change in a democracy. We are supposed to use our voting power and our financial power to bring about change. Democracy does not work when people decide to duck in and out of the democratic process when they feel like it (something which I can say I am also guilty of at times).

Democracy doesn't work when people expect to vote for a president who seems cool and then sit back and wait for the world to change. Democracy doesn't work when people don't vote in local elections or make their congressmen accountable for their actions. You get the point right? Obama can't work miracles.
My decision to refrain from constantly insulting him does NOT mean that a) I have no criticism for his performance thus far or b) I am caught up in his charm or swag.

Please don't insult my intelligence. I am a realist.

In 2008, I left my city, apartment, family ( my whole damn life) to move to Cleveland not because I thought he was trying or able to change the world but because I felt that he was the first presidential candidate in my lifetime that was worth fighting for. That shit was hard. I cried and endured some humiliation, rejection, racism and a whole slew of speeding tickets I couldn't afford. After it was done, I knew that I would never do it again but I also have never regretted doing it. I believed in Obama. I was inspired by him. I was encouraged by his sincerity. I still am. He still speaks more to my truth and experiences than any other president in my lifetime. But he's still a politician.

People were waiting around for Obama to make water into wine and got mad when he didn't. I don't remember him promising me the moon and stars (even though he did promise me a job the day after he got elected) so I have no reason to be disappointed in him. I have seen him address every issue he promised to address with energy and determination. I'm disappointed in the way some of it turned out but I realize that he was not solely responsible for passing and implementing legislation. I'm disappointed in all the things and people who contributed to the mess we are in.

A lot of y'all decided to start caring about politics when Obama came into office. I, on the other hand, remember crying hysterically BOTH times George W Bush got elected and some of y'all looking at me sideways as if to say "it's not that serious." I remember some of y'all joking about how wack Gore and Kerry were and then stating, very matter-of-factly, that you weren't voting for anybody. Did you realize that someone would win the election whether you voted or not and that that someone could actually fuck up the country more than before? I bet you figured that out after 8 years of Dubya, huh? But did that teach you to fully participate in the democratic process? Nope. I still had to beg some of y'all to register to vote in 2008. BEG! Voting doesn't mean you believe that your candidate is the best possible person for the job. Voting means you're making sure the better option gets elected. It's called damage control.

So yeah, remember them times you didn't vote? Yeah... So shut the fuck up, please. And to my elders: Please excuse my language.

BTW, liberals are the most spineless summumma bitches ever! Y'all need to take a lesson in loyalty and stick-with-it-ness from the Good Old Party and learn to support your damn president. I'm so tired of us giving the democratic party the tools they need to make change (presumably a Democratic president and majority in the house and the Senate, right?) and watching as they work as quickly and productively as possible to squander it. As for you coloreds who seem to be particularly venomous towards Barack Obama: remind me to never stick my neck out for any of y'all trifling, misguided fools!

Many of my good friends will feel that some of this may apply to them and it probably does but luckily I don't choose my friends by their politics so I hope you won't take my opinions as an attack on you personally.