Tonight I will claim the title of angry black bitch! Normally, I don't take kindly to being called a bitch but tonight I just feel like cussing the shit out of everybody so I'll do it here. Kids, cover them ears.
I cannot even go into what pissed me off today because it was a barrage of serious fuck-ups including but not limited to the signing of a 2-yr lease for an apartment. Let's just say, it was too deep to get into details. What I have taken from the way I was treated today is that motherfuckers don't give me the courtesy and respect that I deserve and give to others. So, I have decided that I will definitely need a law degree. I have been going back and forth about law school some experiences of late have brought me to a seriously angry place because of the way I was treated. I felt powerless and I HATE that feeling. Although a law degree doesn't make me omnipotent, it does tend to make people believe that there may be significant repercussions for their bad behavior. Whether it's the threat of losing money to losing their freedom, lawyers can intimidate for real and I need some of that intimidation power. It's become clear to me, people only respond to heavily laden threats at times followed by action. As a lawyer, I can sue the shit out of motherfuckers that piss me off. At least I can send them a threatening letter that tells them how easily and successfully I can destroy their lives if they don't do right by me. At this point, without the degree, I'm simply appealing to people's absent consciences. I haven't been very successful.
Unfortunately, no matter how intelligent, well-spoken and fair you are, you can't make people treat you with respect and levity. I swear I'm going to break on the next person who insults my intelligence, talks down to me, cuts me off on the road (I consider that disrespectful, like it or not!), dismisses me, passes on their responsibilities at work to me and a host of other shit that just boils my blood.
I'm not Albert Einstein but I am quite intelligent. I am no Halle Berry but I am beautiful. And I ain't no Mother Teresa but I am definitely kind. For so many reasons, I am worthy of a lot more respect and consideration than I receive on a daily basis. There comes a point when you get sick and fucking tired of giving love, kindness, respect and positive energy to other people and not getting it back. There's only so much goodness I can put into the world without getting some back. I need to replenish my resources. This is why black women are given a bad rap! Black women are some of the most caring, kind women I know. Why then are we labeled as angry and abrasive? I know! Because we get to a motherfucking point when we get tired of doing right by motherfuckers when no-motherfucking-body is doing right by us! There is only so much a person can take. I can't keep giving. I need some goodness for myself.
Let me tell you something: I know I am an amazing human being. I don't have to guess. You know why? Because I put a lot of effort and thought into how I treat other people. I am not always successful in being as good to others as I would like but I can sincerely say that I am constantly striving to be better. You know what? Other motherfuckers don't give a fuck about how they treat other people. They are concerned with getting money. They want money and power so that they don't HAVE to treat people like me with respect. Silly me. I've been living my life by The Golden Rule all this time, believing that the good I put out into the universe will come back to me somehow. Right now, I am not feeling one iota of goodness and, to be honest, I want my goodness back so I can use it on myself! If I spent half the energy I take trying to be good to others, I could be rich, powerful and happy myself. It's really something to think about.
I'm just tired of people half-assing shit with me. If I pay for a service, I expect that service to be worth the money I paid for it. Don't disrespect me as if I am getting that service for free. I deserve to be treated well. Don't assume that I don't understand something because I am a black woman. On the contrary, I tend to be significantly more intelligent than the people who try to talk down to me. Today, a woman who uses the phrase "for all intensive purposes" tried to convince ME that I did not understand the simple concept of an incentive. The problem was, she didn't understand the concept of professionalism and respect. Did I tell her that maybe she should think about what an intensive purpose was before she tried to school me? No, because I'm trying to be good.
A couple of weeks ago, a mechanic I brought my car to mistook me for a dumb bitch. You know how this goes. A little lady brings her car in because it's making a funny sound or something smells like it's burning and, because she's a little lady, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about. Furthermore, she couldn't possibly understand an explanation of basic car problems because she has a vagine! So, it must be necessary to speak to her like a child when you explain what's wrong with her car. I'm used to this shit. Yes it pisses me off to no end, but I'm not surprised by it anymore. This scenario, in particular was on a whole other level. After telling these mechanics that my car was stalling I listened to them tell me that the car did not stall when they drove it. When I told them that my car regularly rolls backwards while it's in drive and my foot is on the gas on a moderate hill, I was told that I may have "too much stuff" in the back of my car. Hmmm, so, all of a sudden this "stuff" is heavy enough to make a car in drive roll backwards down a hill? Let me make sure you understand that when I say "roll", I don't mean a couple of feet backwards. I mean yards. I mean that if I don't mash the brakes, turn the car off and back on again, I will be rolling back until kingdom come. I tried it a few times and I got angry honks from the people behind me who thought I was on a suicide mission. Normal? I'd say not. In their quest to prove that I'm dumb and don't understand cars, one of the mechanics asked me how long it takes my car to warm up once I start up the engine. When I replied that it takes a really long time and doesn't really warm up until I start driving, another mechanic proceeded to painstakingly show me how to TURN THE HEAT ON in a car I have owned for at least 4 winters. He pressed the little button and EARNESTLY explained to me that the light has to be on for me to feel the heat. Do you think he would have assumed that I was talking about the heat in my car if he thought me to be a truly thinking human being? Who doesn't know how to turn on the heat in a car they have owned for YEARS? Who doesn't know how to turn the heat on in a car they just got into? Come on!
What pisses me off is that I KNOW I'm more intelligent than most of the people who insult my intelligence. I suppose the reason they do so is precisely their lack of intelligence. It doesn't allow them to broaden their perspective enough to conceive of me as capable of complex thoughts. Even with this knowledge it still pisses me the hell off. I would say being treated like an idiot is one of my top three pet peeves. Exacerbating circumstances occur when I know that treatment is a result of me being a woman, being black or both. It often is.
By the way, I took the stuff out of the back of the car just for shits and giggles. I'll give you one guess as to whether that shit is still rolling backwards down hills at alarming rates. Any suggestions?