Saturday, January 28, 2012

I love women!

I have a lot of love for women. No, not the romantic kind--although I often think that it would be much more logical than this whole dating men thing. I just have so much love for women. I want to put it out there because it is not popular to have so much love for women in this day. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that women hate women more than men do. During lunch today, my co-workers and I were discussing an article in the newspaper about a schoolteacher who had been having sexual affairs with his 14 year old students. Although everyone expressed the obligatory dismay at this man's actions, the conversation immediately centered on the "fast-ass girls" that he'd been sexing. My co-workers, man and woman alike, expressed such anger and disgust at these girls' whom I regarded as victims. They basically said that "these girls out here are nasty and loose" and "they were probably throwing themselves at the teacher."

Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.

Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?

I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude.  There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women.  I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment.  I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.

I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.

Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.