I knew there was a reason I didn't want to go to work today (besides the usual). As soon as I walk out my building, some prick cabbie speeds directly into a puddle, spewing dirty street water all over my freshly washed body and clothes. As I stand there in horror, another cabbie pretends to be my knight in shining armor and coaxes me to get in only to cuss me and kick me out a block later because I wouldn't pay the exorbitant rate he quoted me. I walk the rest of the way to work and consider running the last block or so since I'm borderline late but then decide against it when I see a man staring me down, poised and ready to study the jiggle of my ass when I run by him. I settle for walking briskly and I arrive to work one minute late, pissed off with dirty, wet water on my nether-regions. My job penalizes me for arriving to work even a minute late so this is particularly vexing to me. I never say this, but FUCK MY LIFE. I knew I shoulda slept through this shitty day.
Side note: I thought FML stood for "Family Medical Leave" but then I figured it out. I didn't even have to ask my teenage brother to translate.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I finally finished my vision board...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed
Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed
I feel stupid and naive that I am still surprised to see how much the people in this country despise black people. *sigh* Most of the time I don't even comment on or share these stories because I'm just overwhelmed by sadness and defeat. I usually just read the articles and watch the reports and cry by myself in my apartment. I used to be young and fiery. Now I'm just tired and defeated. How can I not feel that way when a man says that he did not mourn the death of a character he loved in the book because she was portrayed by a black girl in the movie. How much more can we take, God? How can we truly love ourselves when the world hates us from the moment we are born? What is there to hate about a little black girl? How much can you hate someone you don't know? What is my motivation to bring a beautiful black boy or girl into this world to be shot down like an animal or reviled and despised by the whole world?
I feel stupid and naive that I am still surprised to see how much the people in this country despise black people. *sigh* Most of the time I don't even comment on or share these stories because I'm just overwhelmed by sadness and defeat. I usually just read the articles and watch the reports and cry by myself in my apartment. I used to be young and fiery. Now I'm just tired and defeated. How can I not feel that way when a man says that he did not mourn the death of a character he loved in the book because she was portrayed by a black girl in the movie. How much more can we take, God? How can we truly love ourselves when the world hates us from the moment we are born? What is there to hate about a little black girl? How much can you hate someone you don't know? What is my motivation to bring a beautiful black boy or girl into this world to be shot down like an animal or reviled and despised by the whole world?
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I love women!
I have a lot of love for women. No, not the romantic kind--although I often think that it would be much more logical than this whole dating men thing. I just have so much love for women. I want to put it out there because it is not popular to have so much love for women in this day. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that women hate women more than men do. During lunch today, my co-workers and I were discussing an article in the newspaper about a schoolteacher who had been having sexual affairs with his 14 year old students. Although everyone expressed the obligatory dismay at this man's actions, the conversation immediately centered on the "fast-ass girls" that he'd been sexing. My co-workers, man and woman alike, expressed such anger and disgust at these girls' whom I regarded as victims. They basically said that "these girls out here are nasty and loose" and "they were probably throwing themselves at the teacher."
Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.
Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?
I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude. There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women. I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment. I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.
I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.
Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.
Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.
Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?
I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude. There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women. I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment. I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.
I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.
Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors
The following is a note I just posted on Facebook. It's a little incendiary but so much more tame than it could have been so please give me a break.
Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors
After watching the State of the Union Address tonight, I remembered why I have stayed away from political discussion since 2008. It is too stressful to hear the idiotic shit that everyday people say in an attempt to criticize Barack Obama. So I will rant a bit and then promptly stay out of political discussion again lest I give myself a heart attack:
My advice to black Americans and fair weather liberals concerning Obama (I don't care if you asked for it or not): if you have nothing positive to say, shut the fuck up--just like you did when all these other dudes were fucking up the country before.
It's a simple lesson in common sense and solidarity that some of y'all never learned. The president is a figurehead, not a dictator. In a democracy (that's what they call this right here) we have a system where the president is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of enacting significant change on his own. The system was designed that way! As a matter of fact, it is the people, not the president, who are supposed to incite change in a democracy. We are supposed to use our voting power and our financial power to bring about change. Democracy does not work when people decide to duck in and out of the democratic process when they feel like it (something which I can say I am also guilty of at times).
Democracy doesn't work when people expect to vote for a president who seems cool and then sit back and wait for the world to change. Democracy doesn't work when people don't vote in local elections or make their congressmen accountable for their actions. You get the point right? Obama can't work miracles.
My decision to refrain from constantly insulting him does NOT mean that a) I have no criticism for his performance thus far or b) I am caught up in his charm or swag.
Please don't insult my intelligence. I am a realist.
In 2008, I left my city, apartment, family ( my whole damn life) to move to Cleveland not because I thought he was trying or able to change the world but because I felt that he was the first presidential candidate in my lifetime that was worth fighting for. That shit was hard. I cried and endured some humiliation, rejection, racism and a whole slew of speeding tickets I couldn't afford. After it was done, I knew that I would never do it again but I also have never regretted doing it. I believed in Obama. I was inspired by him. I was encouraged by his sincerity. I still am. He still speaks more to my truth and experiences than any other president in my lifetime. But he's still a politician.
People were waiting around for Obama to make water into wine and got mad when he didn't. I don't remember him promising me the moon and stars (even though he did promise me a job the day after he got elected) so I have no reason to be disappointed in him. I have seen him address every issue he promised to address with energy and determination. I'm disappointed in the way some of it turned out but I realize that he was not solely responsible for passing and implementing legislation. I'm disappointed in all the things and people who contributed to the mess we are in.
A lot of y'all decided to start caring about politics when Obama came into office. I, on the other hand, remember crying hysterically BOTH times George W Bush got elected and some of y'all looking at me sideways as if to say "it's not that serious." I remember some of y'all joking about how wack Gore and Kerry were and then stating, very matter-of-factly, that you weren't voting for anybody. Did you realize that someone would win the election whether you voted or not and that that someone could actually fuck up the country more than before? I bet you figured that out after 8 years of Dubya, huh? But did that teach you to fully participate in the democratic process? Nope. I still had to beg some of y'all to register to vote in 2008. BEG! Voting doesn't mean you believe that your candidate is the best possible person for the job. Voting means you're making sure the better option gets elected. It's called damage control.
So yeah, remember them times you didn't vote? Yeah... So shut the fuck up, please. And to my elders: Please excuse my language.
BTW, liberals are the most spineless summumma bitches ever! Y'all need to take a lesson in loyalty and stick-with-it-ness from the Good Old Party and learn to support your damn president. I'm so tired of us giving the democratic party the tools they need to make change (presumably a Democratic president and majority in the house and the Senate, right?) and watching as they work as quickly and productively as possible to squander it. As for you coloreds who seem to be particularly venomous towards Barack Obama: remind me to never stick my neck out for any of y'all trifling, misguided fools!
Many of my good friends will feel that some of this may apply to them and it probably does but luckily I don't choose my friends by their politics so I hope you won't take my opinions as an attack on you personally.
My advice to black Americans and fair weather liberals concerning Obama (I don't care if you asked for it or not): if you have nothing positive to say, shut the fuck up--just like you did when all these other dudes were fucking up the country before.
It's a simple lesson in common sense and solidarity that some of y'all never learned. The president is a figurehead, not a dictator. In a democracy (that's what they call this right here) we have a system where the president is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of enacting significant change on his own. The system was designed that way! As a matter of fact, it is the people, not the president, who are supposed to incite change in a democracy. We are supposed to use our voting power and our financial power to bring about change. Democracy does not work when people decide to duck in and out of the democratic process when they feel like it (something which I can say I am also guilty of at times).
Democracy doesn't work when people expect to vote for a president who seems cool and then sit back and wait for the world to change. Democracy doesn't work when people don't vote in local elections or make their congressmen accountable for their actions. You get the point right? Obama can't work miracles.
My decision to refrain from constantly insulting him does NOT mean that a) I have no criticism for his performance thus far or b) I am caught up in his charm or swag.
Please don't insult my intelligence. I am a realist.
In 2008, I left my city, apartment, family ( my whole damn life) to move to Cleveland not because I thought he was trying or able to change the world but because I felt that he was the first presidential candidate in my lifetime that was worth fighting for. That shit was hard. I cried and endured some humiliation, rejection, racism and a whole slew of speeding tickets I couldn't afford. After it was done, I knew that I would never do it again but I also have never regretted doing it. I believed in Obama. I was inspired by him. I was encouraged by his sincerity. I still am. He still speaks more to my truth and experiences than any other president in my lifetime. But he's still a politician.
People were waiting around for Obama to make water into wine and got mad when he didn't. I don't remember him promising me the moon and stars (even though he did promise me a job the day after he got elected) so I have no reason to be disappointed in him. I have seen him address every issue he promised to address with energy and determination. I'm disappointed in the way some of it turned out but I realize that he was not solely responsible for passing and implementing legislation. I'm disappointed in all the things and people who contributed to the mess we are in.
A lot of y'all decided to start caring about politics when Obama came into office. I, on the other hand, remember crying hysterically BOTH times George W Bush got elected and some of y'all looking at me sideways as if to say "it's not that serious." I remember some of y'all joking about how wack Gore and Kerry were and then stating, very matter-of-factly, that you weren't voting for anybody. Did you realize that someone would win the election whether you voted or not and that that someone could actually fuck up the country more than before? I bet you figured that out after 8 years of Dubya, huh? But did that teach you to fully participate in the democratic process? Nope. I still had to beg some of y'all to register to vote in 2008. BEG! Voting doesn't mean you believe that your candidate is the best possible person for the job. Voting means you're making sure the better option gets elected. It's called damage control.
So yeah, remember them times you didn't vote? Yeah... So shut the fuck up, please. And to my elders: Please excuse my language.
BTW, liberals are the most spineless summumma bitches ever! Y'all need to take a lesson in loyalty and stick-with-it-ness from the Good Old Party and learn to support your damn president. I'm so tired of us giving the democratic party the tools they need to make change (presumably a Democratic president and majority in the house and the Senate, right?) and watching as they work as quickly and productively as possible to squander it. As for you coloreds who seem to be particularly venomous towards Barack Obama: remind me to never stick my neck out for any of y'all trifling, misguided fools!
Many of my good friends will feel that some of this may apply to them and it probably does but luckily I don't choose my friends by their politics so I hope you won't take my opinions as an attack on you personally.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage - WSJ.com
An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage - WSJ.com
I think that this article does a good job of explaining the issues that educated black women face in a very direct and concrete way. You can't argue with statistics. Honestly, I don't understand why I should have to work so hard to find someone who wants to marry me. It's just not fair.
All I want is for the black men I know who constantly argue with me about this subject to read this and shut the fuck up. Don't say, "I love my Nubian sistAHs" or "I always knew I would end up with a black woman." Just understand what we're dealing with and don't give me advice on how to solve a problem that you have a part in perpetuating.
I shouldn't have to read a Steve Harvey book to find a man. I'm just saying.
I think that this article does a good job of explaining the issues that educated black women face in a very direct and concrete way. You can't argue with statistics. Honestly, I don't understand why I should have to work so hard to find someone who wants to marry me. It's just not fair.
All I want is for the black men I know who constantly argue with me about this subject to read this and shut the fuck up. Don't say, "I love my Nubian sistAHs" or "I always knew I would end up with a black woman." Just understand what we're dealing with and don't give me advice on how to solve a problem that you have a part in perpetuating.
I shouldn't have to read a Steve Harvey book to find a man. I'm just saying.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Survival - Bob Marley and the Wailers
I should be in my bed and I'm about to go there but I was just overwhelmed my how amazing the Survival album is that I had to blog real quick about it. It's not just the most amazing Bob Marley album but one of the best albums of all time. If you've never heard it, listen to it. If you don't have a visceral reaction to that music then I don't know what you got going on in your soul.
I'm a little emotional, yes, and some say I'm dramatic but I'm tearing up just thinking about how deeply those tracks affected me growing up. Its blowing my mind just thinking about how painfully relevant those tracks are to our world right now! "Babylon System," could easily be an anthem for the Occupy Wall Street movement! I love this album! It contains my favorite Bob Marley song of all time (although I'm pretty sure that statement is not really feasible cause I love all of his art) "One Drop."
When I was in my angry phase in high school, I used to just sing it in my head over and over again to drown out the bullshit they tried to teach me about myself and my culture.
There is so much emotion dripping out of that song. It wells up in my heart and...sigh. I just can't explain it.
Just promise me that you will make every effort to listen to this album as soon as possible. And if you feel me, leave a comment!
I'm a little emotional, yes, and some say I'm dramatic but I'm tearing up just thinking about how deeply those tracks affected me growing up. Its blowing my mind just thinking about how painfully relevant those tracks are to our world right now! "Babylon System," could easily be an anthem for the Occupy Wall Street movement! I love this album! It contains my favorite Bob Marley song of all time (although I'm pretty sure that statement is not really feasible cause I love all of his art) "One Drop."
Just promise me that you will make every effort to listen to this album as soon as possible. And if you feel me, leave a comment!
Friday, April 1, 2011
YouTube - A fight starts over spaghetti on NYC subway
I know I'm a little late on this subject but I haven't had a chance to watch this video until now. I can't hear everything that was said and I'm generally disappointed by the way ALL young people behave in public these days but it looks to me like this heifer wanted some spaghetti in her face when she opened up her mouth and called that young woman an animal. I would also like to note that I have heard white people refer to people of color as "animals" on numerous occasions. That she found this young woman's behavior--sitting down on an uncrowded train eating spaghetti (which isn't generally considered to carry an offensive odor) with a fork--animalistic is quite suspect to me. But hey, maybe she was really hungry and was on a starvation diet so she didn't want to smell food. All I'm saying is that I have been on many a subway car with rowdy ass youths whose behavior significantly imposed upon my rights as a passenger and generally made me sad for the future of America but this woman seems to have overreacted in this situation. Although, I think that the spaghetti girls could have chosen their words a little better among other things, I don't think they behaved unreasonably for the most part. I would have thrown spaghetti at that bitch if she called me an animal. What do you think?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Slow-driving Prius
On my drive home tonight I wondered aloud if the day will ever come when I have the pleasure of being on the road with a Toyota Prius that is not moving at least 15mph below the speed limit. I mean, I usually enjoy being right quite a bit but the accuracy of my slow-driving Prius theory is beginning to startle me. I have NEVER been on the road with a Prius driver who kept pace. Oddly enough, the only time I have witnessed a fast-moving Prius was when I was in it. No, I wasn't the one driving (although that would have made a lot of sense). A friend of a friend took me on a roller-coaster ride in her Prius in LA this summer. I was in fear of my life a few times but it was exciting. She's the only person I've ever seen driving a Prius like a real-life car and not a pretend one.
That's all I'm gonna say tonight. So much is going on that I can't even discuss things of importance with any coherence right now so I'm doing you a favor.
That's all I'm gonna say tonight. So much is going on that I can't even discuss things of importance with any coherence right now so I'm doing you a favor.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Let's get this blog poppin'!
I have been trying to faithfully commit myself to making this a real blog for a couple of years now. And by "real blog" I mean one that i update more frequently than twice a year. Seriously. One wouldn't think it would be so hard for someone who has as much to say as I do but, alas, I've got demons.
Anyhoo, I have been slowly getting into blogging more regularly but didn't want to "promote" my blog in any way until I felt secure that people would have something to read when they actually got here. I guess the pressure of actually having readers has been too much for me these past two years, ha ha! Even still, there were some great people who were following the blog in the beginning but I failed you all by being a punk-ass and not updating much. I would really appreciate it if you lovely people (you know who you are) would come back and make this a little community. Either way, I am now moving to a place where I feel comfortable challenging myself to actually do this and I would love your support!
Oh, what's that you ask? How can you support me? I'm glad you asked!
Here are some ways, with bullet-points for emphasis:
Anyhoo, I have been slowly getting into blogging more regularly but didn't want to "promote" my blog in any way until I felt secure that people would have something to read when they actually got here. I guess the pressure of actually having readers has been too much for me these past two years, ha ha! Even still, there were some great people who were following the blog in the beginning but I failed you all by being a punk-ass and not updating much. I would really appreciate it if you lovely people (you know who you are) would come back and make this a little community. Either way, I am now moving to a place where I feel comfortable challenging myself to actually do this and I would love your support!
Oh, what's that you ask? How can you support me? I'm glad you asked!
Here are some ways, with bullet-points for emphasis:
- Follow me, now! (in a deep dancehall reggae voice)
- When you read a post, please leave a comment.
- If you like a post, share it with your friends
OK. That's it for now. Any more "support" and I'm going to have to start paying y'all!
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