I just realized the biggest reason why I haven't fully embraced (or settled into) the place I'm currently living in, even though it is stylish and has lots of great qualities...
NATURAL LIGHT!
Now, it's a loft, so this shouldn't be a problem but, with the way it's set up, it is. It has two skylights (one in the bathroom and one over the stairs) but they're kinda small, dirty and opaque so they only work really well at high noon. It also has several glass windows and patio doors (which are big enough for lots of light to come through) but, because I have close neighbors, I have to completely cover them most of the time. Plus, there are so many bushes and trees surrounding my place that very little natural light gets in.
The lack of natural light has also created another issue, MOLD! The floors are clay so they absorb moisture and it has been raining for what feels like years so I have been having issues with mold, which terrifies the obsessive compulsive germaphobe in me. I came from vacation the other day and could smell the mold. I can only imagine what kind of havoc it's wreaking on my belongings.
That, in addition to the dutty bitch owner who waan treat me like mi "kotch wid har," means that I will likely have to move away from my dream loft. So sad but it must be done. I need to live in a safe, clean, comfortable home. Le sigh.
Showing posts with label Things that annoy the hell out of me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things that annoy the hell out of me. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Oh no she didn't!
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Social Media Activism: What is it good for?
Social media activism refers to the practice of being extremely vocal and active about social issues on websites like Facebook and Twitter but doing nothing "concrete" about the actual problems. Social media activists are those of us who sit on our asses and share articles, argue in the comments sections and even try to shame others for what they did or did not post about a topic we feel is important but limit our involvement to the World Wide Web. There is no question that there is a lot of this going on these days and it can be sickening.
In the wake of the Paris Attacks in November 2015, there was a lot of talk about whose lives matter, the information we are fed by the media and what we care about as a result. The whole discussion exhausted the hell out of me. Of course, I had opinions about it, I always do. But I choose not to share them as often on social media because I don't want to deal with the time-consuming fray from my online community and their diverse opinions and backgrounds (that's a whole other discussion).
Regardless of what I think about how tragedy and loss are reported, the fact remains that there is an overwhelming amount of violence and hatred in the world right now. I'm sure most people would agree that this is not ideal. I'm a solution-oriented person above all. So the idea that we are all sitting on our asses arguing about whose lives matter while the world goes up in flames is extremely disconcerting to me.
BUT
I don't believe denouncing social media activism is necessarily the way to go and here's why...
Something is better than nothing.
How many of the people who are sharing and spreading information on social media would actually go out and do something about it if there were no Facebook? In other words, before social media became so pervasive and people didn't have access to it as a means of spreading information and ideas, were social media activists out in the streets getting results? I doubt it. It's more likely that they were not involved at all.
Yes, this is a new generation so many of them don't know the world without Facebook activism and it can, therefore, be argued that they could be learning social media activism as if it is a viable form of change. That is dangerous. But overall, I think that the number of people who are more likely to talk about shit and do nothing has not necessarily grown just because they've been given a platform on the internet and, if it has grown, it is not significant.
Think about it. 15 years ago, social media activists were the people who were reading the newspaper and arguing with their coworkers about politics. Or they were the ones who watched CNN 24/7 while on the phone with their relatives in other states arguing about the news (my stepfather still does this). The people who are most likely to talk about shit and not do anything are always going to be around.
As such, the people who are more apt to do things will always have that drive. Social media activists won't change that. If anything, social media gives voice to the people who may not have been heard before because they were just talking to friends and family instead of the World Wide Web. They serve a purpose. They create a buzz around topics. They give us greater insight into what the world is thinking about. The conversations that they create are, at times, invaluable. Even the worst kind, where people spew hatred and ignorance, gives us insight into how much work we have to do.
I venture to state that all of the people on the internet that we are tired of hearing from have always existed:
"What's on your mind?"
You think that is coincidental? You think those fuckers really care about you? You think Mark Zuckerberg is trying to be your therapist? Hell to the naw! Facebook is set up as a big worldwide discussion. It's pretty ingenious actually. Over the years, Facebook has redesigned itself to go from a shallow social network where you could cyber stalk your ex or that bitch from high school that used to act like her shit didn't stink to a real-time worldwide roundtable discussion about whatever issues people deem significant. Look at all the things that they have put in place to facilitate these discussions.
Do you honestly think that this hasn't been engineered? Look at every online article. It gives you the opportunity to share via Facebook et al. I don't have to go searching for news anymore. Facebook is my primary source of information. You know how I found out about the Paris attacks? "Facebook Safety Check" told me that two of my friends (whom I didn't even know were in Paris) were safe. Naturally, I was like, "safe from what?" and I quickly found out what had happened.
Facebook has totally changed the way we learn about, comment on and react to the world around us. We can sit and argue about how that has affected our action or inaction but I think it's shortsighted and silly to blame social networks for the apathy that has existed among human beings since the beginning of time. Let's focus on how we can use the tools of social media to be better activists. After all, the word "activism," by definition, consists of action.
And while sharing, encouraging and denouncing things via Facebook is a sort of activism as it can help educate and arouse the population to make change, we all know that it takes more than discussion to truly address the problems we face. Therefore, how do we make the next step from social media activism to actual activism? How do we transition to physical action? Let's talk about it on Facebook, where I'll share this blogpost. See how I did that?
-November 2015
In the wake of the Paris Attacks in November 2015, there was a lot of talk about whose lives matter, the information we are fed by the media and what we care about as a result. The whole discussion exhausted the hell out of me. Of course, I had opinions about it, I always do. But I choose not to share them as often on social media because I don't want to deal with the time-consuming fray from my online community and their diverse opinions and backgrounds (that's a whole other discussion).
Regardless of what I think about how tragedy and loss are reported, the fact remains that there is an overwhelming amount of violence and hatred in the world right now. I'm sure most people would agree that this is not ideal. I'm a solution-oriented person above all. So the idea that we are all sitting on our asses arguing about whose lives matter while the world goes up in flames is extremely disconcerting to me.
BUT
I don't believe denouncing social media activism is necessarily the way to go and here's why...
Something is better than nothing.
How many of the people who are sharing and spreading information on social media would actually go out and do something about it if there were no Facebook? In other words, before social media became so pervasive and people didn't have access to it as a means of spreading information and ideas, were social media activists out in the streets getting results? I doubt it. It's more likely that they were not involved at all.
Yes, this is a new generation so many of them don't know the world without Facebook activism and it can, therefore, be argued that they could be learning social media activism as if it is a viable form of change. That is dangerous. But overall, I think that the number of people who are more likely to talk about shit and do nothing has not necessarily grown just because they've been given a platform on the internet and, if it has grown, it is not significant.
Think about it. 15 years ago, social media activists were the people who were reading the newspaper and arguing with their coworkers about politics. Or they were the ones who watched CNN 24/7 while on the phone with their relatives in other states arguing about the news (my stepfather still does this). The people who are most likely to talk about shit and not do anything are always going to be around.
As such, the people who are more apt to do things will always have that drive. Social media activists won't change that. If anything, social media gives voice to the people who may not have been heard before because they were just talking to friends and family instead of the World Wide Web. They serve a purpose. They create a buzz around topics. They give us greater insight into what the world is thinking about. The conversations that they create are, at times, invaluable. Even the worst kind, where people spew hatred and ignorance, gives us insight into how much work we have to do.
I venture to state that all of the people on the internet that we are tired of hearing from have always existed:
- self-righteous black folk
- self-righteous Christian folk
- ignorant-ass white supremacists
- misogynists
- liberal-ass, guilty white people who think they know everybody's struggle
- Clueless-ass white people who don't know and don't care about anybody's struggles
- and the list goes on and on
"What's on your mind?"
You think that is coincidental? You think those fuckers really care about you? You think Mark Zuckerberg is trying to be your therapist? Hell to the naw! Facebook is set up as a big worldwide discussion. It's pretty ingenious actually. Over the years, Facebook has redesigned itself to go from a shallow social network where you could cyber stalk your ex or that bitch from high school that used to act like her shit didn't stink to a real-time worldwide roundtable discussion about whatever issues people deem significant. Look at all the things that they have put in place to facilitate these discussions.
Do you honestly think that this hasn't been engineered? Look at every online article. It gives you the opportunity to share via Facebook et al. I don't have to go searching for news anymore. Facebook is my primary source of information. You know how I found out about the Paris attacks? "Facebook Safety Check" told me that two of my friends (whom I didn't even know were in Paris) were safe. Naturally, I was like, "safe from what?" and I quickly found out what had happened.
Facebook has totally changed the way we learn about, comment on and react to the world around us. We can sit and argue about how that has affected our action or inaction but I think it's shortsighted and silly to blame social networks for the apathy that has existed among human beings since the beginning of time. Let's focus on how we can use the tools of social media to be better activists. After all, the word "activism," by definition, consists of action.
And while sharing, encouraging and denouncing things via Facebook is a sort of activism as it can help educate and arouse the population to make change, we all know that it takes more than discussion to truly address the problems we face. Therefore, how do we make the next step from social media activism to actual activism? How do we transition to physical action? Let's talk about it on Facebook, where I'll share this blogpost. See how I did that?
-November 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Don't feed the foolishness!
Ok. So last year I was learning how to say "no" and this year I'm learning how to ignore. I'm still struggling with both. My main gripe is this: why don't people get it the first time? When I say "no," I usually have to say it 5 more times before people even start considering that I might be serious. Now, when I am clearly ignoring you, why the hell are you still texting me? It's like this, I told you where I stand many times. You decided to disregard that so I decided to disregard you! Who has time to tell the same person over and over again how to treat them? I am a very clear communicator. So, once I have been telling someone the same thing over and over again with no response, I know it's time to move on. No need for me to re-engage with you and have the same discussion for the umpteenth time. I'm not putting anymore energy into talking to you. I'm not going to feed into your foolishness. I'm done. So ummm, when are you going to get the message?
Friday, September 11, 2015
That Woman You Married...
You marry a woman who can't even spell sensual. You marry a woman who says you were her first (and she's proud of it?!). You marry a woman who doesn't like to go out at night. So that means she doesn't like loud music? She's never closed her eyes in a crowded room and let the bass vibrate through her chest? Head back, arms slightly spread, receiving the rhythm like a blessing of the Holy Spirit? Smiling, as the chills run up and down her spine and manifest on her skin as goosebumps?
No.
She's never done that because...she doesn't go out at night. Music is not intoxicating to her. She doesn't live for a series of bright, colourful experiences with family and friends. Laughter and intensity are not prerequisites for her daily life. Any joy she feels must be accidental! How else could she experience life when she doesn't have any interests besides being your wife? You marry a woman who is the complete opposite of alive and well. She lives in black and white. She is most definitely turned down. She's so uninteresting that I don't even care to find out how or why she got that way because it's not an option for me. Never going to happen.
What's that you say?
I will never find a husband if I continue to live like this? Why do I have to decide between having a family and living authentically? There must be a glitch or a misunderstanding. How could God make me so vibrantly dynamic and then require me to cover all that light to find an ideal mate?
And when you do marry that woman. You know, the quiet one who only speaks when spoken to and who always says the most appropriate thing. You know, the girl who is pretty but not gorgeous. The one who dresses nicely but never \ risqué. The one who doesn't yearn to be in 20 different places at once and has lists of all the experiences she's feels she’s missing out on. The woman who's not strategizing on how she's gonna get her happy back on a daily basis. When you marry that faded woman and you still spend time with women like me, it's like I'm a supplement. You choose to fill yourself up with empty calories. Each bite of your life full of nothing substantial; nothing that satisfies your soul. And then you want me to fill in the spaces. Why? Why am I not good enough to be the main course?
I am just like you.
I know what excites you. I know your dreams. The things that keep you up at night are the same things that drive me crazy. What about those qualities we share make you an amazing catch but me a confused, loose hussy, unfit for marriage? What is it about my values and the way I choose to live my life that's good enough to be your friend but not your wife?
Isn't your wife supposed to be your best friend?
I can't help but call it fear. Why else would you reject your natural mate? Are you afraid of being inadequate? Are you afraid that I'll find a more exciting man and leave you or worse, cheat on you? Are you afraid that I'll hold you to a higher standard than she will? That I'm too smart to believe and tolerate your foolishness? That you would have to work to be a better man all around if you married me?
Those are normal fears! It's part of the deal. Marriage is a commitment based on trust. No one goes into marriage believing and knowing for sure that things are going to work out. But we step out on faith; knowing that we've chosen the best possible mate that we want to journey through life with.
There's a difference between a man who is happy because he knows his wife loves him and is not going to cheat on him and a man who is happy because he knows his wife doesn't leave the house so she can't cheat on him. It's like those dudes who date ugly women because they don't want to deal with the stress of dating a woman with options. Why face your fears when you can just eliminate them? So you would forgo real fulfillment and happiness for safety and security? Not gonna lie, it sounds about right. Most people around me are making that choice in their careers so why not in love? And here I am: caught out there. Single and unwilling to settle. Wanting to find my God-given mate but realizing that being the fantastic woman I am might very well drive his tired ass away. But I made a decision that I'm not dumbing myself down to make a man feel comfortable. I'm gonna be myself and hope that I meet a man who is ready for a future with me. A future with challenges and uncertainty but with the promise of everything beautiful that life has to offer. Even if I did want to settle, I’m too old and set in my ways now anyway.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Stubborn Musings
This recent hullabaloo over "Empire" has led me to realize something about myself that perhaps might have already been obvious to others: I am fiercely independent.
I don't like to do what other people are doing. I really want to see this show (although I'm pretty convinced that I won't like it) if not for anything else than to prove or disprove my instincts. But, I just cannot get myself to participate in something that everybody around me is already doing! Lol. It's this stubborn quality that I hadn't quite acknowledged fully until now.
I'm sure any man I've dated, my mother and my best friends are probably saying "duh" right now but I'm genuinely surprised and amused at how far I would go to not be a part of a trend. I'll probably end up watching the whole season by myself after it's over because I'm just ridiculously difficult like that, I guess.
I don't like to do what other people are doing. I really want to see this show (although I'm pretty convinced that I won't like it) if not for anything else than to prove or disprove my instincts. But, I just cannot get myself to participate in something that everybody around me is already doing! Lol. It's this stubborn quality that I hadn't quite acknowledged fully until now.
I'm sure any man I've dated, my mother and my best friends are probably saying "duh" right now but I'm genuinely surprised and amused at how far I would go to not be a part of a trend. I'll probably end up watching the whole season by myself after it's over because I'm just ridiculously difficult like that, I guess.
Monday, January 6, 2014
And all of a damn sudden...
She's back.
What the hell kind of blog is this?
Imaginary readers, why do you accept this nonsense? I make promises of wonder and amusement, disappear for three months and then all of a sudden come back and start writing again like shit is sweet. Honestly, if I had an audience it would probably be full of folks with ADD, like me.
Anyhoo, I'm not here to make promises for the umpteenth time. I'mma just write about some bullshit and see what happens. People all over the damn place writing about bullshit and guess what? Motherfuckers read it! Hell, I read it. So...
On the other hand, when it comes to dealing with men that I have or have had feelings for, men that have, may have, may have had, think they have but don't really know, used to have but don't know if they still have (and so on and so forth) feelings for me, or men that just plain want to have sex with me, that shit is complicated! I don't like it one bit. I don't like that men are trifling. I don't like that men don't want to work for pussy anymore. I don't like that men want a woman who can cook, make more money than them, be a lady in the street, a freak in the bed, a rocket-scientist at all other times and be perfectly content with their not-enough-money making, no aspirations, goals or hobby having, limited mental and social capabilities, less than stellar sexual performances, no damn domestic tendencies, high maintenance bitchassness, can't even change a light bulb let alone a flat tire asses.
I am not a man-basher but fair is fair. Men these days just want too fucking much. I try to behave in a calm and serene manner towards men--if only to shut these dudes up who keep telling me that black women have too much mouth and attitude and so that I can see what my options would be if I were a white girl (or any non-black woman that black men claim they look to for refuge after being destroyed, humiliated, neglected and unappreciated by black women, booo-motherfucking-hoo!) and honestly, these options don't look too good.
I have found myself wishing a lot lately that I was born a man so I could do any-damn-thing I want. The other day a man, after listening to me bitch about double-standards between men and women replied, "well if you don't like double standards, you should have been born with a cock!" **obnoxious laugh** And honestly, he was right. But something deep inside me thinks I actually was supposed to be born with a cock because I think and behave like I'm told a man should. I expect the world to be fair. I am a little self-centered. An unequal relationship just does not compute for me. I don't understand the point of sex if I'm not being pleased. Apparently, these ideas are revolutionary for women. I thought it was just part of being treated with respect!
What the hell kind of blog is this?
Imaginary readers, why do you accept this nonsense? I make promises of wonder and amusement, disappear for three months and then all of a sudden come back and start writing again like shit is sweet. Honestly, if I had an audience it would probably be full of folks with ADD, like me.
Anyhoo, I'm not here to make promises for the umpteenth time. I'mma just write about some bullshit and see what happens. People all over the damn place writing about bullshit and guess what? Motherfuckers read it! Hell, I read it. So...
Men
Clearly, they suck but some of us (mainly me) like them. Now that I am single again, I have men on the brain. Not just because I'm a boy-crazy whore (because I'm not) but because men seem to be swirling around me. If it's not men, it's women with male energy. I have to say. I like men. I like how they're pretty simple and straightforward, even when they're not trying to be. I like how they tend to be honest (excluding any situations that involve women and relationships). I like their calm. I especially like being around men that I am not sexually involved with. I learn a lot about their ways and myself.On the other hand, when it comes to dealing with men that I have or have had feelings for, men that have, may have, may have had, think they have but don't really know, used to have but don't know if they still have (and so on and so forth) feelings for me, or men that just plain want to have sex with me, that shit is complicated! I don't like it one bit. I don't like that men are trifling. I don't like that men don't want to work for pussy anymore. I don't like that men want a woman who can cook, make more money than them, be a lady in the street, a freak in the bed, a rocket-scientist at all other times and be perfectly content with their not-enough-money making, no aspirations, goals or hobby having, limited mental and social capabilities, less than stellar sexual performances, no damn domestic tendencies, high maintenance bitchassness, can't even change a light bulb let alone a flat tire asses.
I am not a man-basher but fair is fair. Men these days just want too fucking much. I try to behave in a calm and serene manner towards men--if only to shut these dudes up who keep telling me that black women have too much mouth and attitude and so that I can see what my options would be if I were a white girl (or any non-black woman that black men claim they look to for refuge after being destroyed, humiliated, neglected and unappreciated by black women, booo-motherfucking-hoo!) and honestly, these options don't look too good.
I have found myself wishing a lot lately that I was born a man so I could do any-damn-thing I want. The other day a man, after listening to me bitch about double-standards between men and women replied, "well if you don't like double standards, you should have been born with a cock!" **obnoxious laugh** And honestly, he was right. But something deep inside me thinks I actually was supposed to be born with a cock because I think and behave like I'm told a man should. I expect the world to be fair. I am a little self-centered. An unequal relationship just does not compute for me. I don't understand the point of sex if I'm not being pleased. Apparently, these ideas are revolutionary for women. I thought it was just part of being treated with respect!
Monday, August 26, 2013
How I used to feel about Beyonce
Today I came across cold hard proof that I didn't always drink the Beyonce kool-aid. Here is a expletive-infested tirade I wrote about her in the summer of 2003 when "Crazy in Love" had just come out:
Damn. I used to say "fuck" a LOT!
People! That "Crazy in Love" video is a fucking soft-porn. The first time I saw it I was speechless. I felt like I had been tainted. I mean what the fuck? Beyonce has talent and she's beautiful. Why the fuck does she feel the need to gyrate and roll around on the street in her panties to make money? The worst thing is that the shit is HER song. She's not some video hoe in Jay-Z's video. She's the fucking artist exploiting herself! It's her video, her song and all she could come up with the video is running around in lingerie? C'mon. The only good thing that came out of that video is the "uh-oh" booty dance. Many, many good nights at the club have been jump-started with that wonderful little move. As for the song itself, those horns can get pretty fucking annoying when the DJ plays them over and over again before starting the song. But I can't deny that that song overflows with energy. I prefer her other song with Sean Paul though. You know the song. I can't think of the title. It goes "Baby boy you stay on my mind fulfill my fantasies." Yeah, that one.
Oh, and by the way. That fucking ugly, bad-singing bitch Lumidee(or however you spell her dumb name) is fucking singing that uh-oh shit right out-fucking-side my window right now and NO I don't like it. That song was annoying when it first came out and I just didn't want to admit it cause everyone liked it. But people, don't you realize, you don't like the song, it's just impossible to get the shit out of your head so you decide to like it cause you gonna be singing it for a long ass time. The bitch sounds like she's whining on the playground in kin-deee-gaarten. If anyone sang that way in my presence, it would vex me beyond belief. I would take a basketball and chuck it directly at their face repeatedly until they stopped. Please don't believe the hype. You don't like that horrible song.
Damn. I used to say "fuck" a LOT!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Time is precious, people!
I can't stand when people insist on telling me the same fucking story over and over again. But what really grinds my gears is when I tell them that they've already told to me the story and they pretend like they didn't hear me and proceed to spend another 10 to 15 minutes retelling me the same wack-ass story I didn't want to hear the first time around. I try to tell them, "you've already told me that story" in my "polite" voice so they don't waste another 10 minutes of my life, Because life is really precious, you know?
But they completely disregard me and it pisses me off like they don't care about my precious life and they want to tell me their story no matter what. Do they think if they tell me again it'll actually be funny or interesting this time and not even worse the second time around?!
Ugh!
I just came up with the perfect solution this may seem harsh but the end justifies the means. The next time a friend tries to do this to me I will simply tell them that they have two choices: they can either stop and refrain from telling me the same dumbass story again, or they can tell me the story but they must pay me for the time I have to spend listening to the same stupid ass story over and over again. Because time is money people and if you insist on telling me what I don't want to hear then the least you can do is compensate me for the time I'm wasting listening to your whack ass words.
Friends, you may find this harsh but I love you. I really do. STFU and have a good night.
But they completely disregard me and it pisses me off like they don't care about my precious life and they want to tell me their story no matter what. Do they think if they tell me again it'll actually be funny or interesting this time and not even worse the second time around?!
Ugh!
I just came up with the perfect solution this may seem harsh but the end justifies the means. The next time a friend tries to do this to me I will simply tell them that they have two choices: they can either stop and refrain from telling me the same dumbass story again, or they can tell me the story but they must pay me for the time I have to spend listening to the same stupid ass story over and over again. Because time is money people and if you insist on telling me what I don't want to hear then the least you can do is compensate me for the time I'm wasting listening to your whack ass words.
Friends, you may find this harsh but I love you. I really do. STFU and have a good night.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Tonight, Beyonce Shattered my Heart
"I've got drafts written for this very blog extolling this bitch as the post-modern feminist and she pulls THIS SHIT?! Now I can't even publish the shit."
OK. OK. Let me rewind. I'm Sorry. I'm gonna try to make this coherent and succinct but its going to be hard as BEYONCE JUST SHATTERED MY FUCKING WORLD!
Oh, expletive warning y'all. My emotions are running high.
I don't have the time or the emotional wherewithal to explain to you just how much I loved Beyonce. I don't have the time to explain that I was very sure about my love because she had to work hard to earn since I hated her for a while (see, I can't even write proper sentences cause my stomach is upset and I feel like I might have a stroke).
I'm trying to explain to you how earth-shattering this is for me. I want to make sure you know that I loved Beyonce fiercely for some concrete reasons. I loved her level of innovation as a musician. Her talent as a vocalist. I loved her work ethic, her classic appeal. I loved her commitment to performing and doing it well. I loved her strength as a woman. I consider myself a feminist and I LOVE women who lift up other women. One of the reasons I loved Beyonce is because I felt she did this in her own way.
Well who the fuck told me to scroll down my damn Facebook newsfeed tonight? I don't know why I did it. I was getting ready to go to bed. I wasn't even prepared to have my world rocked like this. But, lo and behold, I'm scrolling down my newsfeed and I see this:
So I'm like, WTF? The Beyonce I love wouldn't say something so brazenly obnoxious. Yes, she gets a little playful with her banter sometimes but, "bow down?" I was immediately offended.
Little did I know, this was just the tip of the iceberg! Then, I discovered the song. Please try to listen to the whole thing. I know its hard. (Note to Beyonce, if you're going to make an obnoxious, disrespectful song, at least make it sound good!):
SIGH.
I am beyond disappointed. I've been fiercely defending this woman for years and she makes me look like an idiot with this shit!? This goes against everything I stand for as a woman. I cannot be who I am and continue to love and support an artist that thinks this shit is OK. I don't know what happened to her brain but she was way off with this. I know she's trying to push the envelope and break out of this image the world has of her but I happen to like the classic Beyonce. The woman who left it all on the stage. Who didn't care if people thought she was boring and simple because she consistently killed it in the studio and in concert. The Beyonce I love wouldn't stoop to the level of addressing her haters this way because she would know it's not worth losing the self-respecting fans she has who don't give a fuck about her struggle to be "relevant." The Beyonce I love let her music speak for her, not the other way around. If I wanted to listen to another record calling me a bitch, I would just turn on the hip-hop station.
Why does Beyonce think her fans want her to be Rihanna?! Why did she take it there? Clearly, we know you are an amazingly talented person but did Michael Jackson ever release a record like this? No! He went as far as "Bad" and that's it. Maybe "Leave me Alone" but he made it clear who he was talking to (the papparazzi).
Why Bey! Why?!
I have to stop here. I'm starting to ramble.
More later. I have to pull myself together somewhat.
OK. OK. Let me rewind. I'm Sorry. I'm gonna try to make this coherent and succinct but its going to be hard as BEYONCE JUST SHATTERED MY FUCKING WORLD!
Oh, expletive warning y'all. My emotions are running high.
I don't have the time or the emotional wherewithal to explain to you just how much I loved Beyonce. I don't have the time to explain that I was very sure about my love because she had to work hard to earn since I hated her for a while (see, I can't even write proper sentences cause my stomach is upset and I feel like I might have a stroke).
I'm trying to explain to you how earth-shattering this is for me. I want to make sure you know that I loved Beyonce fiercely for some concrete reasons. I loved her level of innovation as a musician. Her talent as a vocalist. I loved her work ethic, her classic appeal. I loved her commitment to performing and doing it well. I loved her strength as a woman. I consider myself a feminist and I LOVE women who lift up other women. One of the reasons I loved Beyonce is because I felt she did this in her own way.
Well who the fuck told me to scroll down my damn Facebook newsfeed tonight? I don't know why I did it. I was getting ready to go to bed. I wasn't even prepared to have my world rocked like this. But, lo and behold, I'm scrolling down my newsfeed and I see this:
So I'm like, WTF? The Beyonce I love wouldn't say something so brazenly obnoxious. Yes, she gets a little playful with her banter sometimes but, "bow down?" I was immediately offended.
Little did I know, this was just the tip of the iceberg! Then, I discovered the song. Please try to listen to the whole thing. I know its hard. (Note to Beyonce, if you're going to make an obnoxious, disrespectful song, at least make it sound good!):
SIGH.
I am beyond disappointed. I've been fiercely defending this woman for years and she makes me look like an idiot with this shit!? This goes against everything I stand for as a woman. I cannot be who I am and continue to love and support an artist that thinks this shit is OK. I don't know what happened to her brain but she was way off with this. I know she's trying to push the envelope and break out of this image the world has of her but I happen to like the classic Beyonce. The woman who left it all on the stage. Who didn't care if people thought she was boring and simple because she consistently killed it in the studio and in concert. The Beyonce I love wouldn't stoop to the level of addressing her haters this way because she would know it's not worth losing the self-respecting fans she has who don't give a fuck about her struggle to be "relevant." The Beyonce I love let her music speak for her, not the other way around. If I wanted to listen to another record calling me a bitch, I would just turn on the hip-hop station.
Why does Beyonce think her fans want her to be Rihanna?! Why did she take it there? Clearly, we know you are an amazingly talented person but did Michael Jackson ever release a record like this? No! He went as far as "Bad" and that's it. Maybe "Leave me Alone" but he made it clear who he was talking to (the papparazzi).
Why Bey! Why?!
I have to stop here. I'm starting to ramble.
More later. I have to pull myself together somewhat.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Neda Soltani and the failure of modern-day journalism
Just heard a story on NPR about Neda Soltani, an Iranian woman who is now a political exile because the media mistakenly used her Facebook photo to represent a dead political activist with a similar name. The whole story is unbelievable, terribly sad and eerie (we have the same exact DOB). But what is really powerful to me is how shitty and inept the press has become. This woman sent the proper information to several news outlets, including CNN and they completely ignored it. She sent another news agency a different photo of herself to further prove the error and they published it as a new exclusive pic of the dead girl! Listen to the story here:
There are no more journalists. The media has been failing us for quite some time. They don't even deserve the benefit of the doubt. We're going to have to start fact-checking the news ourselves.
When the kids got killed in Newtown, CT, a number of major news outlets reported completely inaccurate information in their rush to get the story out first. What the hell is the point of the news if it's wrong?! I could just ask Pookie down the block for the scoop if I want some "He said, She said."
It's just a damn shame...
There are no more journalists. The media has been failing us for quite some time. They don't even deserve the benefit of the doubt. We're going to have to start fact-checking the news ourselves.
When the kids got killed in Newtown, CT, a number of major news outlets reported completely inaccurate information in their rush to get the story out first. What the hell is the point of the news if it's wrong?! I could just ask Pookie down the block for the scoop if I want some "He said, She said."
It's just a damn shame...
I have watched myself become mean and ornery. I have caught glimpses of the trajectory my life could take if I stay on this path of misery and bitterness. I will be mean and alone. Right now, I'm alone by choice because I don't feel like being around people. But one day, I'm gonna be alone because nobody wants to be around my miserable negative ass. It's gonna be like, "Oh Kayla? I can only take her in doses." And forget about a relationship with a man! Can you imagine? I won't be able to coexist and compromise with a man for the sake of a happy relationship. I'll just be an angry bitch who would rather be by herself than deal with the occasional inconvenience of a man's presence.
I know women like this. And with no disrespect to them, I'm not trying to be that person. But damn, I can sure as hell see how easy it is to get to that place. It's much easier to become bitter and jaded than to get up and try to be happy everyday. It's almost more natural too. I mean, think about it. What kind of idiot gets knocked down and keeps getting back up only to be knocked down again? How long does a person continue to do that before giving up?
I'm still fighting the good fight to stay engaged and hopeful but acknowledging that it's hard as hell!
I know women like this. And with no disrespect to them, I'm not trying to be that person. But damn, I can sure as hell see how easy it is to get to that place. It's much easier to become bitter and jaded than to get up and try to be happy everyday. It's almost more natural too. I mean, think about it. What kind of idiot gets knocked down and keeps getting back up only to be knocked down again? How long does a person continue to do that before giving up?
I'm still fighting the good fight to stay engaged and hopeful but acknowledging that it's hard as hell!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Romney's 47% 'Clean-Up' Press Conference - YouTube
I am thoroughly enjoying listening to Mitt Romney trip all over himself pretending to give a fuck. I must admit, he doesn't seem to be trying very hard. I guess he really isn't trying to appeal to that 47%.
Lots of people are upset but I can't summon up the energy for that. I did let out a little gasp when I first read the quote but that was about it. If you haven't heard the controversy: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/09/secret-video-romney-private-fundraiser
I should note that barely anything in politics pisses me off these days. These people are all ridiculous and I'm too busy oscillating between trying to eat (and stay alive in general) and wondering "what the hell am I living for?" So yeah, not much time to give a crap about who is going to further mess up my life or keep it at its present miserable level.
That being said, I am kind of annoyed by Romney's whole casual "these people don't pay taxes" bullshit. I pay more taxes than he does (percentage-wise, obvi) and this economy is killing me! I'm over here racking my brain trying to see how I can pay rent and a car note on my salary. I'm over here brainstorming possible second jobs while fully aware that, if I am working for all of my waking hours, there is really no purpose to living. Simply put: I'm not living large off of the government. For him to say that Obama supporters don't care about his "low taxes message" because they don't pay taxes pisses me off. There's nothing I want more than more money in my pocket right about now.
Oh wait, there is. I want to live in a country not totally run by assholes who are so past racism and elitism that they don't even care about me enough to hate me. They don't even see me. They don't even try to make me think they care about me.
BTW, PLEASE don't be naive. This foolishness isn't going to hinder not ONE would-be Romney supporter. They're not voting for him cause he's a great guy.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed
Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed
I feel stupid and naive that I am still surprised to see how much the people in this country despise black people. *sigh* Most of the time I don't even comment on or share these stories because I'm just overwhelmed by sadness and defeat. I usually just read the articles and watch the reports and cry by myself in my apartment. I used to be young and fiery. Now I'm just tired and defeated. How can I not feel that way when a man says that he did not mourn the death of a character he loved in the book because she was portrayed by a black girl in the movie. How much more can we take, God? How can we truly love ourselves when the world hates us from the moment we are born? What is there to hate about a little black girl? How much can you hate someone you don't know? What is my motivation to bring a beautiful black boy or girl into this world to be shot down like an animal or reviled and despised by the whole world?
I feel stupid and naive that I am still surprised to see how much the people in this country despise black people. *sigh* Most of the time I don't even comment on or share these stories because I'm just overwhelmed by sadness and defeat. I usually just read the articles and watch the reports and cry by myself in my apartment. I used to be young and fiery. Now I'm just tired and defeated. How can I not feel that way when a man says that he did not mourn the death of a character he loved in the book because she was portrayed by a black girl in the movie. How much more can we take, God? How can we truly love ourselves when the world hates us from the moment we are born? What is there to hate about a little black girl? How much can you hate someone you don't know? What is my motivation to bring a beautiful black boy or girl into this world to be shot down like an animal or reviled and despised by the whole world?
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I love women!
I have a lot of love for women. No, not the romantic kind--although I often think that it would be much more logical than this whole dating men thing. I just have so much love for women. I want to put it out there because it is not popular to have so much love for women in this day. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that women hate women more than men do. During lunch today, my co-workers and I were discussing an article in the newspaper about a schoolteacher who had been having sexual affairs with his 14 year old students. Although everyone expressed the obligatory dismay at this man's actions, the conversation immediately centered on the "fast-ass girls" that he'd been sexing. My co-workers, man and woman alike, expressed such anger and disgust at these girls' whom I regarded as victims. They basically said that "these girls out here are nasty and loose" and "they were probably throwing themselves at the teacher."
Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.
Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?
I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude. There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women. I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment. I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.
I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.
Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.
Seriously? Let's pause for a moment. Can you think back to being 14 years old? I'm not good with remembering specific events in my past but I'm quite good at recalling a feeling or attitude I had. Many people don't consider these things when they judge a young persons actions and it makes me wish I could pay a visit their adolescent selves and see what they were like. But anyway, remember being 14? yeah... Do you remember having a crush on some sort of authoritarian? BTW, aren't those the BEST crushes? Even as an adult, they're my favorite. Something about power is so fucking sexy I just can't take it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure most of you can remember having a crush on a teacher or something. A child's judgement is not NEARLY as developed as ours. You see, we like to think of ourselves as so damn smart and together, absolutely forgetting all the tomfoolery and fuckery it took for us to learn the lessons that make us wise (subjectively, of course). You're not supposed to have perfect judgement at the age of 14. It's something that develops as you get older. Not only through one's experiences but through the continuing development of our brains. Why, oh why would an adult leave it to a child to have better judgement than an adult? Why the hell would someone blame a child for the impulsive behaviour that DEFINES childhood? How absurd is it to blame a child for being in a sexual relationship with a grown-ass man? Hasn't it been legally established that a child CANNOT GIVE CONSENT? So why then would an adult read this story and immediately blame the victims? Because they were females.
Think back to the last case where you heard about a female teacher having sexual relations with her male student. Do you remember a great deal of emphasis being put on the boy's lack of judgement and restraint? I remember these women being portrayed as sick, desperate, pitiful adults who have a very skewed set of values. So then why is it the girl's fault when she has sex with her teacher? I'm sorry, should young women KNOW better? Can a man not be blamed for his sexuality? Is it so much harder for a grown man to control himself than it is for an adolescent girl?
I wish I could say I was surprised but I've actually grown quite accustomed to this attitude. There are obviously a number of reasons why these double-standards piss me off but overall, it just makes me sad to live in a world that hates women. I was raised to love and respect other women and I look forward to the day I can teach my own daughter those values but I am so afraid to bring a little girl into this misogynistic environment. I don't know if it was my all-girls schooling, my female-centered household or that I am just a lesbian who hasn't come to terms with it yet but I have always felt comfortable loving women. I have never been intimidated by another woman's beauty or brains, just in awe of them. Of course, I often feel inadequate in comparison to the amazing women I have come into contact with but my response to that feeling is not to hate that woman but to revere, respect and love that woman. When I meet a woman who makes me feel inadequate, I strive to be more like that woman.
I suppose I grew up in a bubble. I went to school with only girls from 1st to 12th grade(!) My mother and grandmother raised me. My mother is and always has been the primary breadwinner in my house and she has always emphasized education and career over finding a man and looking pretty--so much so that I was an EXTREMELY late bloomer. All the women I grew up around were loving towards each other. Even when they had fights, I didn't see them take low-blows at each other. They supported each other, gave advice to one another and encouraged each others' progress and growth. I didn't fully realize until very recently that these women were not representative of most women. I honestly never thought women hated each other for stupid reasons. I always thought so highly of women. They're capable, intelligent, driven, selfless and considerate. I couldn't imagine that someone who was capable of so much good could tear someone else down especially when she understood how hard it is to be a woman in this world.
Perhaps many women don't understand how sexism plays a part in their everyday struggles. Perhaps they don't know how much more opportunity, respect, understanding and love men often receive. If they knew how much more pressure is out there for women, perhaps they would be a bit more empathetic to their fellow dame.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors
The following is a note I just posted on Facebook. It's a little incendiary but so much more tame than it could have been so please give me a break.
Expletives and other offensive words that express my feelings about President Obama and his detractors
After watching the State of the Union Address tonight, I remembered why I have stayed away from political discussion since 2008. It is too stressful to hear the idiotic shit that everyday people say in an attempt to criticize Barack Obama. So I will rant a bit and then promptly stay out of political discussion again lest I give myself a heart attack:
My advice to black Americans and fair weather liberals concerning Obama (I don't care if you asked for it or not): if you have nothing positive to say, shut the fuck up--just like you did when all these other dudes were fucking up the country before.
It's a simple lesson in common sense and solidarity that some of y'all never learned. The president is a figurehead, not a dictator. In a democracy (that's what they call this right here) we have a system where the president is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of enacting significant change on his own. The system was designed that way! As a matter of fact, it is the people, not the president, who are supposed to incite change in a democracy. We are supposed to use our voting power and our financial power to bring about change. Democracy does not work when people decide to duck in and out of the democratic process when they feel like it (something which I can say I am also guilty of at times).
Democracy doesn't work when people expect to vote for a president who seems cool and then sit back and wait for the world to change. Democracy doesn't work when people don't vote in local elections or make their congressmen accountable for their actions. You get the point right? Obama can't work miracles.
My decision to refrain from constantly insulting him does NOT mean that a) I have no criticism for his performance thus far or b) I am caught up in his charm or swag.
Please don't insult my intelligence. I am a realist.
In 2008, I left my city, apartment, family ( my whole damn life) to move to Cleveland not because I thought he was trying or able to change the world but because I felt that he was the first presidential candidate in my lifetime that was worth fighting for. That shit was hard. I cried and endured some humiliation, rejection, racism and a whole slew of speeding tickets I couldn't afford. After it was done, I knew that I would never do it again but I also have never regretted doing it. I believed in Obama. I was inspired by him. I was encouraged by his sincerity. I still am. He still speaks more to my truth and experiences than any other president in my lifetime. But he's still a politician.
People were waiting around for Obama to make water into wine and got mad when he didn't. I don't remember him promising me the moon and stars (even though he did promise me a job the day after he got elected) so I have no reason to be disappointed in him. I have seen him address every issue he promised to address with energy and determination. I'm disappointed in the way some of it turned out but I realize that he was not solely responsible for passing and implementing legislation. I'm disappointed in all the things and people who contributed to the mess we are in.
A lot of y'all decided to start caring about politics when Obama came into office. I, on the other hand, remember crying hysterically BOTH times George W Bush got elected and some of y'all looking at me sideways as if to say "it's not that serious." I remember some of y'all joking about how wack Gore and Kerry were and then stating, very matter-of-factly, that you weren't voting for anybody. Did you realize that someone would win the election whether you voted or not and that that someone could actually fuck up the country more than before? I bet you figured that out after 8 years of Dubya, huh? But did that teach you to fully participate in the democratic process? Nope. I still had to beg some of y'all to register to vote in 2008. BEG! Voting doesn't mean you believe that your candidate is the best possible person for the job. Voting means you're making sure the better option gets elected. It's called damage control.
So yeah, remember them times you didn't vote? Yeah... So shut the fuck up, please. And to my elders: Please excuse my language.
BTW, liberals are the most spineless summumma bitches ever! Y'all need to take a lesson in loyalty and stick-with-it-ness from the Good Old Party and learn to support your damn president. I'm so tired of us giving the democratic party the tools they need to make change (presumably a Democratic president and majority in the house and the Senate, right?) and watching as they work as quickly and productively as possible to squander it. As for you coloreds who seem to be particularly venomous towards Barack Obama: remind me to never stick my neck out for any of y'all trifling, misguided fools!
Many of my good friends will feel that some of this may apply to them and it probably does but luckily I don't choose my friends by their politics so I hope you won't take my opinions as an attack on you personally.
My advice to black Americans and fair weather liberals concerning Obama (I don't care if you asked for it or not): if you have nothing positive to say, shut the fuck up--just like you did when all these other dudes were fucking up the country before.
It's a simple lesson in common sense and solidarity that some of y'all never learned. The president is a figurehead, not a dictator. In a democracy (that's what they call this right here) we have a system where the president is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of enacting significant change on his own. The system was designed that way! As a matter of fact, it is the people, not the president, who are supposed to incite change in a democracy. We are supposed to use our voting power and our financial power to bring about change. Democracy does not work when people decide to duck in and out of the democratic process when they feel like it (something which I can say I am also guilty of at times).
Democracy doesn't work when people expect to vote for a president who seems cool and then sit back and wait for the world to change. Democracy doesn't work when people don't vote in local elections or make their congressmen accountable for their actions. You get the point right? Obama can't work miracles.
My decision to refrain from constantly insulting him does NOT mean that a) I have no criticism for his performance thus far or b) I am caught up in his charm or swag.
Please don't insult my intelligence. I am a realist.
In 2008, I left my city, apartment, family ( my whole damn life) to move to Cleveland not because I thought he was trying or able to change the world but because I felt that he was the first presidential candidate in my lifetime that was worth fighting for. That shit was hard. I cried and endured some humiliation, rejection, racism and a whole slew of speeding tickets I couldn't afford. After it was done, I knew that I would never do it again but I also have never regretted doing it. I believed in Obama. I was inspired by him. I was encouraged by his sincerity. I still am. He still speaks more to my truth and experiences than any other president in my lifetime. But he's still a politician.
People were waiting around for Obama to make water into wine and got mad when he didn't. I don't remember him promising me the moon and stars (even though he did promise me a job the day after he got elected) so I have no reason to be disappointed in him. I have seen him address every issue he promised to address with energy and determination. I'm disappointed in the way some of it turned out but I realize that he was not solely responsible for passing and implementing legislation. I'm disappointed in all the things and people who contributed to the mess we are in.
A lot of y'all decided to start caring about politics when Obama came into office. I, on the other hand, remember crying hysterically BOTH times George W Bush got elected and some of y'all looking at me sideways as if to say "it's not that serious." I remember some of y'all joking about how wack Gore and Kerry were and then stating, very matter-of-factly, that you weren't voting for anybody. Did you realize that someone would win the election whether you voted or not and that that someone could actually fuck up the country more than before? I bet you figured that out after 8 years of Dubya, huh? But did that teach you to fully participate in the democratic process? Nope. I still had to beg some of y'all to register to vote in 2008. BEG! Voting doesn't mean you believe that your candidate is the best possible person for the job. Voting means you're making sure the better option gets elected. It's called damage control.
So yeah, remember them times you didn't vote? Yeah... So shut the fuck up, please. And to my elders: Please excuse my language.
BTW, liberals are the most spineless summumma bitches ever! Y'all need to take a lesson in loyalty and stick-with-it-ness from the Good Old Party and learn to support your damn president. I'm so tired of us giving the democratic party the tools they need to make change (presumably a Democratic president and majority in the house and the Senate, right?) and watching as they work as quickly and productively as possible to squander it. As for you coloreds who seem to be particularly venomous towards Barack Obama: remind me to never stick my neck out for any of y'all trifling, misguided fools!
Many of my good friends will feel that some of this may apply to them and it probably does but luckily I don't choose my friends by their politics so I hope you won't take my opinions as an attack on you personally.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage - WSJ.com
An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage - WSJ.com
I think that this article does a good job of explaining the issues that educated black women face in a very direct and concrete way. You can't argue with statistics. Honestly, I don't understand why I should have to work so hard to find someone who wants to marry me. It's just not fair.
All I want is for the black men I know who constantly argue with me about this subject to read this and shut the fuck up. Don't say, "I love my Nubian sistAHs" or "I always knew I would end up with a black woman." Just understand what we're dealing with and don't give me advice on how to solve a problem that you have a part in perpetuating.
I shouldn't have to read a Steve Harvey book to find a man. I'm just saying.
I think that this article does a good job of explaining the issues that educated black women face in a very direct and concrete way. You can't argue with statistics. Honestly, I don't understand why I should have to work so hard to find someone who wants to marry me. It's just not fair.
All I want is for the black men I know who constantly argue with me about this subject to read this and shut the fuck up. Don't say, "I love my Nubian sistAHs" or "I always knew I would end up with a black woman." Just understand what we're dealing with and don't give me advice on how to solve a problem that you have a part in perpetuating.
I shouldn't have to read a Steve Harvey book to find a man. I'm just saying.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Slow-driving Prius
On my drive home tonight I wondered aloud if the day will ever come when I have the pleasure of being on the road with a Toyota Prius that is not moving at least 15mph below the speed limit. I mean, I usually enjoy being right quite a bit but the accuracy of my slow-driving Prius theory is beginning to startle me. I have NEVER been on the road with a Prius driver who kept pace. Oddly enough, the only time I have witnessed a fast-moving Prius was when I was in it. No, I wasn't the one driving (although that would have made a lot of sense). A friend of a friend took me on a roller-coaster ride in her Prius in LA this summer. I was in fear of my life a few times but it was exciting. She's the only person I've ever seen driving a Prius like a real-life car and not a pretend one.
That's all I'm gonna say tonight. So much is going on that I can't even discuss things of importance with any coherence right now so I'm doing you a favor.
That's all I'm gonna say tonight. So much is going on that I can't even discuss things of importance with any coherence right now so I'm doing you a favor.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hell Week
Being the psycho-witch that I am, I caused my car to break-down. Shortly after posting a tirade about being ignored and belittled by mechanics, I witnessed my car completely breaking down last night. The highlight was when the speedometer read 0 while I was driving on the West Side highway. A close runner-up was when I saw the electric diagnosis thingy (and I wonder why I gets no respect from mechanics, right?) read "Transmission: Complete system failure" with my own eyes. It has been confirmed to me by a very nice young mechanic (who completely acknowledged the lack of respect women get at the car shop on his own) that my transmission is totally fucked up. Damn, I wish I could sue those mechanics and use the money to buy a new car.
Honestly, this week was the worst week in at least 6 months. It's odd because the lows have been really low but the highs have been extremely high. In this week alone, at least three positive changes I have been anticipating for a VERY long time have come to fruition. I signed the lease on my new luxury apartment, I might be getting a transfer at work(fingers crossed) and I had an extremely positive experience at a new OB/GYN. You may laugh but if you have a vagine, you know how hard it is to find a good gyno. Just watch that King of Queens episode where Carrie does crazy things to keep her OB/GYN. Anyhoo, that's not even mentioning the host of other great things that happened this week including but not limited to waking up every morning, having good food to eat and having good friends and family to support me in hell weeks like these. In addition, I have met some fabulous human beings as well as some terrible ones.
I guess this week is a microcosm of life as a whole. It came at me really fast and really hard. Every minute of every day has been overwhelming, both at work and at home. I've felt extreme joy, sadness and have been pulled in about 500 directions at the same time.
All in all, what made this week so bad was that I failed at creating balance. I failed to remember that I have the power to decide how I feel. Instead of getting through the week, I let it beat the shit out of me. I turned what might have been a challenging week with lots of surprises and changes into a week where I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride from hell, just holding my head down and waiting for it to end. Funny enough, that's actually how I always rode roller-coasters when I was younger. I used to hide so much that when we looked at the pictures afterward, you couldn't see me because I was crouched under the seat. But, it made no sense because I love rollercoasters. I love the excitment, the fear, the joy, the crowd. I love the view from the top (even though I'm fearful of heights). It never made sense that I waited forever on a long ass line to spend the whole 30-seconds hiding behind the seat. As corny as this may sound, I don't want to live my life crouched behind a seat. By the time I look up, I'll have missed out on all those things that make life worth living.
And, I did have some serene moments where I felt like everything would be OK. Many of them were closely followed by shitstorms but I had some calm moments. What's good is that I definitely felt like I created some of those moments myself. When I was aware enough to realize that I was on the verge of a mini-breakdown I took control of my mind and body. I slowed down my gait I deepened my breathing and I cleared my mind. I felt so empowered because it reminded me that, although I can't control what happens to me I am ultimately in control of how I respond to those things. I have to utilize that control to keep my piece of mind.
So I suppose at the end of a trying (to put it nicely) week, I will take these lessons in preparation of the next time, because there's always a next time.
Honestly, this week was the worst week in at least 6 months. It's odd because the lows have been really low but the highs have been extremely high. In this week alone, at least three positive changes I have been anticipating for a VERY long time have come to fruition. I signed the lease on my new luxury apartment, I might be getting a transfer at work(fingers crossed) and I had an extremely positive experience at a new OB/GYN. You may laugh but if you have a vagine, you know how hard it is to find a good gyno. Just watch that King of Queens episode where Carrie does crazy things to keep her OB/GYN. Anyhoo, that's not even mentioning the host of other great things that happened this week including but not limited to waking up every morning, having good food to eat and having good friends and family to support me in hell weeks like these. In addition, I have met some fabulous human beings as well as some terrible ones.
I guess this week is a microcosm of life as a whole. It came at me really fast and really hard. Every minute of every day has been overwhelming, both at work and at home. I've felt extreme joy, sadness and have been pulled in about 500 directions at the same time.
All in all, what made this week so bad was that I failed at creating balance. I failed to remember that I have the power to decide how I feel. Instead of getting through the week, I let it beat the shit out of me. I turned what might have been a challenging week with lots of surprises and changes into a week where I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride from hell, just holding my head down and waiting for it to end. Funny enough, that's actually how I always rode roller-coasters when I was younger. I used to hide so much that when we looked at the pictures afterward, you couldn't see me because I was crouched under the seat. But, it made no sense because I love rollercoasters. I love the excitment, the fear, the joy, the crowd. I love the view from the top (even though I'm fearful of heights). It never made sense that I waited forever on a long ass line to spend the whole 30-seconds hiding behind the seat. As corny as this may sound, I don't want to live my life crouched behind a seat. By the time I look up, I'll have missed out on all those things that make life worth living.
And, I did have some serene moments where I felt like everything would be OK. Many of them were closely followed by shitstorms but I had some calm moments. What's good is that I definitely felt like I created some of those moments myself. When I was aware enough to realize that I was on the verge of a mini-breakdown I took control of my mind and body. I slowed down my gait I deepened my breathing and I cleared my mind. I felt so empowered because it reminded me that, although I can't control what happens to me I am ultimately in control of how I respond to those things. I have to utilize that control to keep my piece of mind.
So I suppose at the end of a trying (to put it nicely) week, I will take these lessons in preparation of the next time, because there's always a next time.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Angry Black Bitch
Tonight I will claim the title of angry black bitch! Normally, I don't take kindly to being called a bitch but tonight I just feel like cussing the shit out of everybody so I'll do it here. Kids, cover them ears.
I cannot even go into what pissed me off today because it was a barrage of serious fuck-ups including but not limited to the signing of a 2-yr lease for an apartment. Let's just say, it was too deep to get into details. What I have taken from the way I was treated today is that motherfuckers don't give me the courtesy and respect that I deserve and give to others. So, I have decided that I will definitely need a law degree. I have been going back and forth about law school some experiences of late have brought me to a seriously angry place because of the way I was treated. I felt powerless and I HATE that feeling. Although a law degree doesn't make me omnipotent, it does tend to make people believe that there may be significant repercussions for their bad behavior. Whether it's the threat of losing money to losing their freedom, lawyers can intimidate for real and I need some of that intimidation power. It's become clear to me, people only respond to heavily laden threats at times followed by action. As a lawyer, I can sue the shit out of motherfuckers that piss me off. At least I can send them a threatening letter that tells them how easily and successfully I can destroy their lives if they don't do right by me. At this point, without the degree, I'm simply appealing to people's absent consciences. I haven't been very successful.
Unfortunately, no matter how intelligent, well-spoken and fair you are, you can't make people treat you with respect and levity. I swear I'm going to break on the next person who insults my intelligence, talks down to me, cuts me off on the road (I consider that disrespectful, like it or not!), dismisses me, passes on their responsibilities at work to me and a host of other shit that just boils my blood.
I'm not Albert Einstein but I am quite intelligent. I am no Halle Berry but I am beautiful. And I ain't no Mother Teresa but I am definitely kind. For so many reasons, I am worthy of a lot more respect and consideration than I receive on a daily basis. There comes a point when you get sick and fucking tired of giving love, kindness, respect and positive energy to other people and not getting it back. There's only so much goodness I can put into the world without getting some back. I need to replenish my resources. This is why black women are given a bad rap! Black women are some of the most caring, kind women I know. Why then are we labeled as angry and abrasive? I know! Because we get to a motherfucking point when we get tired of doing right by motherfuckers when no-motherfucking-body is doing right by us! There is only so much a person can take. I can't keep giving. I need some goodness for myself.
Let me tell you something: I know I am an amazing human being. I don't have to guess. You know why? Because I put a lot of effort and thought into how I treat other people. I am not always successful in being as good to others as I would like but I can sincerely say that I am constantly striving to be better. You know what? Other motherfuckers don't give a fuck about how they treat other people. They are concerned with getting money. They want money and power so that they don't HAVE to treat people like me with respect. Silly me. I've been living my life by The Golden Rule all this time, believing that the good I put out into the universe will come back to me somehow. Right now, I am not feeling one iota of goodness and, to be honest, I want my goodness back so I can use it on myself! If I spent half the energy I take trying to be good to others, I could be rich, powerful and happy myself. It's really something to think about.
I'm just tired of people half-assing shit with me. If I pay for a service, I expect that service to be worth the money I paid for it. Don't disrespect me as if I am getting that service for free. I deserve to be treated well. Don't assume that I don't understand something because I am a black woman. On the contrary, I tend to be significantly more intelligent than the people who try to talk down to me. Today, a woman who uses the phrase "for all intensive purposes" tried to convince ME that I did not understand the simple concept of an incentive. The problem was, she didn't understand the concept of professionalism and respect. Did I tell her that maybe she should think about what an intensive purpose was before she tried to school me? No, because I'm trying to be good.
A couple of weeks ago, a mechanic I brought my car to mistook me for a dumb bitch. You know how this goes. A little lady brings her car in because it's making a funny sound or something smells like it's burning and, because she's a little lady, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about. Furthermore, she couldn't possibly understand an explanation of basic car problems because she has a vagine! So, it must be necessary to speak to her like a child when you explain what's wrong with her car. I'm used to this shit. Yes it pisses me off to no end, but I'm not surprised by it anymore. This scenario, in particular was on a whole other level. After telling these mechanics that my car was stalling I listened to them tell me that the car did not stall when they drove it. When I told them that my car regularly rolls backwards while it's in drive and my foot is on the gas on a moderate hill, I was told that I may have "too much stuff" in the back of my car. Hmmm, so, all of a sudden this "stuff" is heavy enough to make a car in drive roll backwards down a hill? Let me make sure you understand that when I say "roll", I don't mean a couple of feet backwards. I mean yards. I mean that if I don't mash the brakes, turn the car off and back on again, I will be rolling back until kingdom come. I tried it a few times and I got angry honks from the people behind me who thought I was on a suicide mission. Normal? I'd say not. In their quest to prove that I'm dumb and don't understand cars, one of the mechanics asked me how long it takes my car to warm up once I start up the engine. When I replied that it takes a really long time and doesn't really warm up until I start driving, another mechanic proceeded to painstakingly show me how to TURN THE HEAT ON in a car I have owned for at least 4 winters. He pressed the little button and EARNESTLY explained to me that the light has to be on for me to feel the heat. Do you think he would have assumed that I was talking about the heat in my car if he thought me to be a truly thinking human being? Who doesn't know how to turn on the heat in a car they have owned for YEARS? Who doesn't know how to turn the heat on in a car they just got into? Come on!
What pisses me off is that I KNOW I'm more intelligent than most of the people who insult my intelligence. I suppose the reason they do so is precisely their lack of intelligence. It doesn't allow them to broaden their perspective enough to conceive of me as capable of complex thoughts. Even with this knowledge it still pisses me the hell off. I would say being treated like an idiot is one of my top three pet peeves. Exacerbating circumstances occur when I know that treatment is a result of me being a woman, being black or both. It often is.
By the way, I took the stuff out of the back of the car just for shits and giggles. I'll give you one guess as to whether that shit is still rolling backwards down hills at alarming rates. Any suggestions?
I cannot even go into what pissed me off today because it was a barrage of serious fuck-ups including but not limited to the signing of a 2-yr lease for an apartment. Let's just say, it was too deep to get into details. What I have taken from the way I was treated today is that motherfuckers don't give me the courtesy and respect that I deserve and give to others. So, I have decided that I will definitely need a law degree. I have been going back and forth about law school some experiences of late have brought me to a seriously angry place because of the way I was treated. I felt powerless and I HATE that feeling. Although a law degree doesn't make me omnipotent, it does tend to make people believe that there may be significant repercussions for their bad behavior. Whether it's the threat of losing money to losing their freedom, lawyers can intimidate for real and I need some of that intimidation power. It's become clear to me, people only respond to heavily laden threats at times followed by action. As a lawyer, I can sue the shit out of motherfuckers that piss me off. At least I can send them a threatening letter that tells them how easily and successfully I can destroy their lives if they don't do right by me. At this point, without the degree, I'm simply appealing to people's absent consciences. I haven't been very successful.
Unfortunately, no matter how intelligent, well-spoken and fair you are, you can't make people treat you with respect and levity. I swear I'm going to break on the next person who insults my intelligence, talks down to me, cuts me off on the road (I consider that disrespectful, like it or not!), dismisses me, passes on their responsibilities at work to me and a host of other shit that just boils my blood.
I'm not Albert Einstein but I am quite intelligent. I am no Halle Berry but I am beautiful. And I ain't no Mother Teresa but I am definitely kind. For so many reasons, I am worthy of a lot more respect and consideration than I receive on a daily basis. There comes a point when you get sick and fucking tired of giving love, kindness, respect and positive energy to other people and not getting it back. There's only so much goodness I can put into the world without getting some back. I need to replenish my resources. This is why black women are given a bad rap! Black women are some of the most caring, kind women I know. Why then are we labeled as angry and abrasive? I know! Because we get to a motherfucking point when we get tired of doing right by motherfuckers when no-motherfucking-body is doing right by us! There is only so much a person can take. I can't keep giving. I need some goodness for myself.
Let me tell you something: I know I am an amazing human being. I don't have to guess. You know why? Because I put a lot of effort and thought into how I treat other people. I am not always successful in being as good to others as I would like but I can sincerely say that I am constantly striving to be better. You know what? Other motherfuckers don't give a fuck about how they treat other people. They are concerned with getting money. They want money and power so that they don't HAVE to treat people like me with respect. Silly me. I've been living my life by The Golden Rule all this time, believing that the good I put out into the universe will come back to me somehow. Right now, I am not feeling one iota of goodness and, to be honest, I want my goodness back so I can use it on myself! If I spent half the energy I take trying to be good to others, I could be rich, powerful and happy myself. It's really something to think about.
I'm just tired of people half-assing shit with me. If I pay for a service, I expect that service to be worth the money I paid for it. Don't disrespect me as if I am getting that service for free. I deserve to be treated well. Don't assume that I don't understand something because I am a black woman. On the contrary, I tend to be significantly more intelligent than the people who try to talk down to me. Today, a woman who uses the phrase "for all intensive purposes" tried to convince ME that I did not understand the simple concept of an incentive. The problem was, she didn't understand the concept of professionalism and respect. Did I tell her that maybe she should think about what an intensive purpose was before she tried to school me? No, because I'm trying to be good.
A couple of weeks ago, a mechanic I brought my car to mistook me for a dumb bitch. You know how this goes. A little lady brings her car in because it's making a funny sound or something smells like it's burning and, because she's a little lady, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about. Furthermore, she couldn't possibly understand an explanation of basic car problems because she has a vagine! So, it must be necessary to speak to her like a child when you explain what's wrong with her car. I'm used to this shit. Yes it pisses me off to no end, but I'm not surprised by it anymore. This scenario, in particular was on a whole other level. After telling these mechanics that my car was stalling I listened to them tell me that the car did not stall when they drove it. When I told them that my car regularly rolls backwards while it's in drive and my foot is on the gas on a moderate hill, I was told that I may have "too much stuff" in the back of my car. Hmmm, so, all of a sudden this "stuff" is heavy enough to make a car in drive roll backwards down a hill? Let me make sure you understand that when I say "roll", I don't mean a couple of feet backwards. I mean yards. I mean that if I don't mash the brakes, turn the car off and back on again, I will be rolling back until kingdom come. I tried it a few times and I got angry honks from the people behind me who thought I was on a suicide mission. Normal? I'd say not. In their quest to prove that I'm dumb and don't understand cars, one of the mechanics asked me how long it takes my car to warm up once I start up the engine. When I replied that it takes a really long time and doesn't really warm up until I start driving, another mechanic proceeded to painstakingly show me how to TURN THE HEAT ON in a car I have owned for at least 4 winters. He pressed the little button and EARNESTLY explained to me that the light has to be on for me to feel the heat. Do you think he would have assumed that I was talking about the heat in my car if he thought me to be a truly thinking human being? Who doesn't know how to turn on the heat in a car they have owned for YEARS? Who doesn't know how to turn the heat on in a car they just got into? Come on!
What pisses me off is that I KNOW I'm more intelligent than most of the people who insult my intelligence. I suppose the reason they do so is precisely their lack of intelligence. It doesn't allow them to broaden their perspective enough to conceive of me as capable of complex thoughts. Even with this knowledge it still pisses me the hell off. I would say being treated like an idiot is one of my top three pet peeves. Exacerbating circumstances occur when I know that treatment is a result of me being a woman, being black or both. It often is.
By the way, I took the stuff out of the back of the car just for shits and giggles. I'll give you one guess as to whether that shit is still rolling backwards down hills at alarming rates. Any suggestions?
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