Maya Angelou's final blessing

That's it. 

Last night I was emotional and I looked to God for some direction. Some confirmation of the path that I should pursue. That struggle did not start last night. For years, I've lived in fear of following my heart and my passions. Every time I try, I choke on self-doubt, confusion, depression, fear and a host of other negative things that keep people from pursuing their dreams. But on this day, as I mourn the passing of one of the most influential women I have known, I thought to myself "Who will take her place? Who will take on her work? Who will inspire and love?Who will teach?" And I've been lamenting this anticipated void that would undoubtedly be left. But then I thought, "Why not me?" If there's anything we should learn from Maya Angelou, it's that we should live life to its fullest, commit to our talents (all of them) and accomplish great things! Why shouldn't I strive to walk in her footsteps? 

"There were times when it was said that I had more determination than talent. This may be said of many. It may also be said that life loves the person who dares to live it."

-Maya Angelou

What better way can I honor her for blessing my life than by living her lessons? I hear you, God. Loud and clear. I hear you. I will rise to the occasion. I make this promise out loud. I will declare it so that I cannot shrink from my destiny one more time because tomorrow is not promised. I will make my declaration clear so that those who hear me can hold me to it.

I promise to write everyday. I promise to cultivate my talents. I promise to read and rediscover my zeal for learning. I promise to share my gifts with the world unselfishly. I will not be afraid to love with all that I am because love is creation. And finally, I promise to exercise the faith that I have claimed for so long in the most relevant and powerful way possible: by completely investing in my dreams. I have faith that they are not accidents. I have faith that there is a plan for me. I know that I was made for more than mediocrity. I step out on that faith and promise to work hard. In doing so, I not only honor God and myself but also the amazing women like Maya Angelou who have inspired me my whole life. 

Ashe!

And all of a damn sudden...

She's back.

What the hell kind of blog is this?

Imaginary readers, why do you accept this nonsense?  I make promises of wonder and amusement, disappear for three months and then all of a sudden come back and start writing again like shit is sweet.  Honestly, if I had an audience it would probably be full of folks with ADD, like me.

Anyhoo, I'm not here to make promises for the umpteenth time.  I'mma just write about some bullshit and see what happens.  People all over the damn place writing about bullshit and guess what?  Motherfuckers read it!  Hell, I read it.  So...

Men

Clearly, they suck but some of us (mainly me) like them.  Now that I am single again, I have men on the brain.  Not just because I'm a boy-crazy whore (because I'm not) but because men seem to be swirling around me.  If it's not men, it's women with male energy.  I have to say.  I like men.  I like how they're pretty simple and straightforward, even when they're not trying to be.  I like how they tend to be honest (excluding any situations that involve women and relationships).  I like their calm.  I especially like being around men that I am not sexually involved with.  I learn a lot about their ways and myself.

On the other hand, when it comes to dealing with men that I have or have had feelings for, men that have, may have, may have had, think they have but don't really know, used to have but don't know if they still have (and so on and so forth) feelings for me, or men that just plain want to have sex with me, that shit is complicated!  I don't like it one bit.  I don't like that men are trifling.  I don't like that men don't want to work for pussy anymore.  I don't like that men want a woman who can cook, make more money than them, be a lady in the street, a freak in the bed, a rocket-scientist at all other times and be perfectly content with their not-enough-money making, no aspirations, goals or hobby having, limited mental and social capabilities, less than stellar sexual performances, no damn domestic tendencies, high maintenance bitchassness, can't even change a light bulb let alone a flat tire asses.

I am not a man-basher but fair is fair.  Men these days just want too fucking much. I try to behave in a calm and serene manner towards men--if only to shut these dudes up who keep telling me that black women have too much mouth and attitude and so that I can see what my options would be if I were a white girl (or any non-black woman that black men claim they look to for refuge after being destroyed, humiliated, neglected and unappreciated by black women, booo-motherfucking-hoo!) and honestly, these options don't look too good.

I have found myself wishing a lot lately that I was born a man so I could do any-damn-thing I want.  The other day a man, after listening to me bitch about double-standards between men and women replied, "well if you don't like double standards, you should have been born with a cock!"  **obnoxious laugh**  And honestly, he was right.  But something deep inside me thinks I actually was supposed to be born with a cock because I think and behave like I'm told a man should.  I expect the world to be fair. I am a little self-centered. An unequal relationship just does not compute for me. I don't understand the point of sex if I'm not being pleased. Apparently, these ideas are revolutionary for women. I thought it was just part of being treated with respect!